LB, Chapter 7

(To read Chapter 6, click HERE.)

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."

~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I called April and told her all about him coming down a week and a half early. :) I was super duper excited! Later, when I talked to her, she said, "I told Jeff about him coming down and he said, 'He's driving six hours to take her to a 2 hour movie? He must REALLY like her!' " I said, "I hope so!" :) As Wednesday drew nearer, he told me he'd be in town around noon. I was SO excited. When Wednesday finally rolled around, I couldn't think about anything else. Luckily it was my last work day before Christmas break and I had worked it out so I only had to work 2 hours that morning. Let's be perfectly honest--I got nothing done that day (although no one else was really doing anything either). I was totally worthless. And I didn't care one little bit.

When I was about to head into work, he texted me and said the roads were bad, so he'd have to go the long way, meaning he'd be a little later than anticipated. I felt SO bad! Basically he told me he would have to drive almost all the way to Seattle before coming down here, making an already long trip almost twice as long. I was torn between telling him he didn't have to come and REAAAAAALY wanting him to come. I worried if I told him not to come, he'd think I didn't want him to come, which was the opposite of true. So I thought about it for awhile and finally texted him back, saying, "No worries! Do what you need to do--just be safe!"

I got back to my apartment after work around noon and tried not to go completely crazy while I waited for him to get to town. Finally I put on "White Christmas" and tried to pretend it was just a normal day (yeah, right!). Mostly I tried to calm my crazy nerves, which were totally on edge. I had finally calmed down a little when he knocked on the door. (So much for being calm!)

He gave me a big hug at the door and came in. I was sooooo excited! And totally nervous. He came in and sat down while Allee tried to lick him to death. We kind of awkwardly watched a few minutes of "White Christmas," until I pulled myself together and asked him if he was hungry. He said yes, so we shook off the awkwardness and headed out to get some lunch. We had a really nice lunch at Panera, talked for awhile, then walked over to the movie theater.

Now, let's be honest. At this point in a relationship, why do you go see a movie with a date? To hold their hand, right? So, truthfully, I was hoping, hoping, hoping this was what would happen, which probably contributed to the slight nervous, awkward tension I felt between us.

He bought our tickets and we went in. I wish I could tell you the movie was great (which I think it was...), but honestly, I was more than a little distracted. I seriously felt like the awkward teenager who is trying to get the boy to hold her hand...but I was trying to do it without being totally obvious and awkward. Finally--FINALLY--about 2/3 of the way through the movie he reached over and grabbed my hand. *Phew!* It was the confirmation I needed that I wasn't making this whole thing up in my head. Much of the awkwardness immediately melted away, so I readjusted and put my head on his shoulder, and we spent the rest of the movie that way, holding hands. It was perfect. :)

The movie ended about 5:30, and we walked out, hand-in-hand, and headed back through the mall toward the car. I couldn't stop smiling, even though I knew our time together must be drawing to a close, since he'd have to be heading back to Yakima before it got too late.

You can imagine my suprise when we got outside and he said cheerfully, "Now what do you want to do?"

To be continued...

(To continue to Chapter 8, click HERE.)

A Tale of Two Boys.

This is my 300th post. Which means I should have something exciting or profound or funny to say, right? Unfortunately, I'm not sure that's happening tonight.

I went on retreat this weekend. It was lovely and wonderful and I'll tell you more about it later. Unfortunately, I came back to bad news.

Sunday night I saw on the news there had been an accident in the small community where I've recently begun working. I prayed the two young men involved weren't some of our students. Turned out, they were.

On Sunday night, one of the kids on my caseload accidently shot another kid in the head with a shotgun. There are lots of rumors and speculation in this case right now, but as near as I can tell, my 13 year old core kid had gone duck hunting with his father that morning. When they returned, his dad left two shotguns sitting in the corner of the living room, mistakenly thinking neither gun was loaded. Tragically, one gun was not loaded, but the other was. Later that evening, my kid was joking around with his 12 year old friend, trying to scare him with the gun, when the gun accidently went off and shot him in the head.

This is what I came back to on Monday. Both are students at the school I'm working in. The young man who was shot is registered in my after-school program, but rarely (if ever) comes. The other kid is one of the kids on my caseload. For both kids, this is a tragedy of epic proportions.

The boy who was shot was life-flighted to OHSU (the big hospital) in Portland. Yesterday he was upgraded from Critical to Stable Condition. My understanding is he's being kept in a medically-induced coma for a few days to minimize swelling on his brain, but as of right now, doctors are very optimistic about his prognosis. They brought him out of the coma briefly yesterday and he was responsive, squeezing the doctors' hands on command, etc., but unable to speak at this time. It's probably best he gets to sleep through this whole nightmare, at least for now. Obviously he has a long, hard road ahead, but especially this early on, this is all great news.

For the other kid, truthfully, metaphorically speaking, I would say he's probably still in pretty critical condition. The very fact that he's on my caseload should speak volumes about what this kid is up against--the kids on my caseload are considered "at-risk" kids, for one reason or another, and before any of this happened, he was, hands down, a kid we were really focusing on--his life is no picnic. Right now he and his family can't stay in their home because the media is camped outside. They are staying with relatives out in the middle of nowhere to keep him safe and to protect him and his family from the media and any public outcry. As of right now, the determination has been made that coming back to his school--where he has friends and support--is probably not the best idea for him (and even though it's hard, I think this is probably the truth). I can't even begin to think about how devastating this must be for him. This kid already had the deck stacked against him--this doesn't help.

Yesterday was the first day of a new semester at our school--a day that should have been filled with excitement, endless possibility, and hope. A time for new beginnings. Instead, it was filled with tragedy and confusion. And in accordance with the families' wishes, the kids were asked not to talk about it. Teachers were told not to release their names to maintain privacy and confidentiality. The one thing the kids wanted to do was talk about it and they couldn't. Unfortunately in the absence of information, there is rumor and gossip. Kids started taking sides, even though it was an accident. These things are hard to swallow when you're just a kid. Life is hard sometimes. And messy.

Last night the name of the boy in the hospital was officially released to the media. Today was a different day. When the kids saw his name confirmed on the news, word spread like wildfire and amazing things started happening. His friends knew that Austin's favorite color is purple, so they asked everyone to wear purple in solidarity. Between text messages and facebook, word spreads fast among Middle School kids. At school today, plans were made to create banners and cards to take to him and his family at the hospital. At lunchtime, giant sheets of purple paper were rolled out on tables for kids to sign. Supplies were provided for the kids who wanted to make cards. Teachers cut and folded purple ribbons for the everyone to wear, and they were snatched up just as fast as they could make them. But you want to know the coolest thing I saw? A few of his best friends took a piece of masking tape and wrote his last name on it, then wore it on their front and back like you would see on an athletic jersey. Before you knew it, everyone was asking for masking tape. Even kids who didn't know him wanted his last name across their shirt. Then kids started asking if they could donate money for the family, and they started pulling out their allowances and lunch money and dropping it in a box. Pretty cool for a bunch of 12 and 13 year olds, don't you think? Kids are shockingly resilient and empathetic in situations like these. The principal and one of the counselors packed everything up and took it up to the hospital this afternoon. That kid has a lot of amazing support, and so far, all the news has been good.

Meanwhile, there's another family, whose names have still not officially been released, hiding out in the middle of nowhere, waiting for the storm to pass, hoping it will. And there's another boy who probably wishes he could sleep through all this, too.

So today, please hug your loved ones tight, tell your family members you love them, and if you have guns, please keep them in a safe place where your kids can't get to them.

And please, pray for both these boys.

Talk Block=Update

Life is so crazy!

I'm on the team again for our annual Young Adult Retreat (happening this weekend!!!), and I've spent the evening trying to work on my talk. Let's just say...I have a major case of talk block. I know (sort of) what I want to say, but it's just not really coming together like I'd like. So I decided I would take a break (read: check facebook, get ready for bed, check email, play with Allee, check facebook...the usual) and use this time to put together a little update.

I started a "new" position within my company at the first of the year, and let's just say there's been a pretty steep learning curve. Notsomuch because it's a hard job (it isn't), just because of the circumstances behind it, and the fact that it is a TON of work. Hopefully a few more weeks will iron out some of the kinks, but I have been a stress bucket. And I've been working about a gazillion hours. Hopefully this will all settle itself down soon. Sheesh!

So, right now my life consists of working 800 million hours a week, running to the gym (if I have time...and energy...and motivation...ha!), spending my evenings on the phone with a certain someone, and dedicating my weekends to that same someone. So far we're managing to see each other almost every weekend. Except when he has drill. And those weekends are not my favorite. (You're probably going to notice a pattern...my blog will likely see significantly more posting action on the weekends he has drill, because I have time and nothing else to do. You'd think having a long-distance relationship would be less work than if he were here so we could see each other all the time, but the reality is the opposite. And since a lot of our relationship is reliant on the phone (and you know how I feel about the phone), I have decided to make a conscious effort to give our conversations my total attention when we actually get to talk. Hence blogging is much more rare these days.) But aside from being stressed out at work and busy in life, things are going swimmingly.

Last weekend LB (Lieutenant Brown...you know, I kind of like that...maybe from now on I'll just call him LB when I write here about him) invited me up to the camp he used to work at to "help" with a high school leadership retreat that he founded. It was really awesome. We drove up to Tacoma on MLK day to "meet" with some of his friends who form the team for this retreat, and it was awesome to be totally included in the whole thing. Plus, you know, high school kids + leadership + retreats = right up my alley. It was really great to see him in action, and fun to be able to help out a little bit. They were all really great about including me and welcoming me into their group. It was cool.

Anyway, lest you think I'm making this sweet man up, here is photographic evidence that he exists (keep in mind this is Day 3 of a high school leadership retreat, meaning we had both been at camp all weekend and were both pretty wiped out):

See?! He DOES exist! :) (His friend, Kaela, asked me if we had any photos together yet. When I said no, she said, "Don't worry. We'll take care of that." Thanks, Kaela.)

So, there's your update. I will continue the story sometime soon...but for now, I have journals to make and a talk to figure out in the next few days during my barely existent free time. Ciao!

My Apologies.

Dear Whoever Might Happen to Read This Silly Blog (All 3 of you!),

So sorry it's been awhile since I've written. Funny how sometimes you get so busy living your life that you don't actually have time to write about it. :) That's a good thing, right?

Things are good...no, great...right now. Rest assured. It might be a minute, but I will get back to writing (and I promise my sweet Lieutenant and I are doing just fine). This week is insanity personified, so not sure if an update will happen, but I will sure try.

Hope everyone else is doing great, too! Happy Living!

Jen

Lieutenant Brown, Chapter 6...

(To read Chapter 5, click HERE.)

"Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one."

~Japanese Proverb

Before our date, my sister and brother-in-law had told me I should really hold his hand at the very least. (Ster said, "If the man's going to drive all the way from Yakima, Jen, you have to make sure he knows you like him.") But like I said before, I wanted to do things the old-fashioned way, so I decided he had to make those moves first. I wanted him to take the lead on that stuff, and we hadn't done anything like that besides having the DtR. I didn't know if it was a mistake or not, and there had probably been opportunities, and maybe it was just that I chickened out. That on top of my stupid answer definitely led to some "way to screw it up" thoughts.

I realized I was an idiot. I was totally non-committal (which I hate!) and didn't really answer his question at all. And I started freaking out. So I did the first thing I could think of--called my best friend. :) I don't actually remember if I told her how much I was freaking out (I probably did), but after I felt a little more composed about the whole thing, I got out my computer and started composing an email.

I apologized for not really giving him a good answer and confessed I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, then told him how I felt, that I thought he was awesome, and I was really excited about him. I agonized over it for a little while before I finally got brave enough to hit send. Then the waiting began.

The next day I probably checked my email 5,000 times to see if he'd written me back...to no avail. Finally around lunchtime I pulled out my phone...and realized I'd missed a text from him while my phone was on silent. I nervously opened it and read: "Thanks for your email. I feel the same way." PHEW!!!!!

We talked on the phone for about 5 1/2 hours that night, about what, I couldn't tell you. Honestly, my sister said, "What could you possibly have to talk about for that long?" And I was like, "Ummm....actually, I have no idea. We just talk. About stuff. Nothing. I don't know." But you know how you have to kind of do that? Talk about nothing just to talk and get to know each other? That's what we talked about.

Wednesday night rolled around, and we were having a conversation via text (suddenly I'm a texter, I guess?), and he said, "By any chance are you watching "The Sing-Off"?" I was, so we spent the next two hours of the show texting back and forth about the a cappella groups and their song choices, etc. It was really random and fun (why we didn't just call each other is sort of beyond me, but whatever). At the end, he said, "So...Monday, same time?" I responded with, "It's a date!"

We continued to have "text dates" for the last three episodes of the show. :) (Hey, when you don't live in the same town, you have to be creative!) It was really fun, and nice to know there were a couple hours dedicated just to watching the same show, communicating with each other, and having that shared experience.

We kept texting each other and talking on the phone and emailing, just continuing to get to know one another. It was really chill and easy and I started really looking forward to getting to see him after Christmas--in fact, I was pretty bummed I had to wait so long! The weekend before Christmas he had made plans to go Christmas shopping in Seattle, which meant there wasn't really the option to see him again sooner, so waiting until after Christmas would have to be fine. Little did I know...

That Saturday night, my sister and I had a sister date to finish up our Christmas shopping, and when I got home, he texted me. He said he'd just gotten home from a family wedding and asked how my weekend was going. We chit-chatted a little, then he said, "How long do you have to work on Wednesday?"

I was confused. I couldn't figure out if he meant the Wednesday I was leaving to go to Seattle or that coming Wednesday, but why would he be asking me about that Wednesday? It didn't make sense, but he said he wanted to know how long I had to work that coming Wednesday. So I told him I'd be working short days that week and getting off early. Then came clarity.

"I don't have to work Wednesday, so I was wondering if you would want to hang out. I can come to Portland." Ummm, YES!!! :) He said, since he had time, he didn't really want to wait another week and a half to hang out, and asked if I'd be interested in going to see the new Narnia movie. It sounded like a perfect idea to me, and I told him I'd work it out and get off early. :) So we made plans to see each other a whole week earlier than I had anticipated. I was SO excited.

I started thinking about it and realized he had just asked if he could drive 6+ hours to take me to a 2 hour movie. :)

And I could hardly wait.

To be continued...

(To continue to Chapter 7, click HERE.)

Lieutenant Brown, Chapter 5...

(To read Chapter 4, click HERE.)

"There is nothing holier, in this life of ours,

than the first consciousness of love--

the first fluttering of its silken wings."

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I froze. "Don't screw this up, don't screw this up, dear God, please don't let me say the wrong thing and screw this up!!" instantly became the mantra and prayer running through my head. I had no idea what to say. While I had sort of hoped we'd clarify things a little that day, I wasn't really prepared for the DtR (Defining the Relationship) talk that night. And I'm not going to lie, I was panicking. But he asked the question and I had to answer, so I took a deep breath, hugged the pillow I was holding a little tighter, and turned to face him.

"Wellllll.....I like you. I'm really enjoying getting to know you and I like spending time with you." Then the panic set back in. "Uhhhhh....I don't know. What do you think?" I didn't want to say the wrong thing and scare him off, but I didn't want to not say enough and make him think I wasn't interested...so my mantra kicked back in full force. "Don't screw this up, Jen!"

He smiled and said that he agreed, he was really enjoying hanging out and talking and writing each other and that he thought I was really cool and he liked spending time with me. :) Then he asked me if I were looking for a relationship. Again, cue the mantra. I said, rather stupidly, "Well...yeah...I mean....isn't that why you do this?" (So much for not saying the wrong thing, right? Sheesh, Jen.) He just laughed and said, "Yeah, I mean, I guess so." Then he asked when we could see each other again.

We decided we'd probably have to wait until after Christmas, which was a bummer, but it made sense since my family was going to be in town. I figured once they left I could take a day off work and go up to Seattle for a couple days to hang out with him. We made that tentative plan, and then he said it was time for him to get going.

I asked him if I could send him with some goodies for the road (especially since we hadn't eaten since like 2:30), so I started making him a plate with cookies and pumpkin bread (and the little Christmas presents I'd gotten for him). While he was waiting, he spotted my guitar and asked if he could see it. He took it out of the case and started to play and I could tell he was pretty good. Unfortunately right about then I finished packing everything up, so he put the guitar away.

We said our goodbyes and I walked him to the door. He stepped out and I leaned against the door frame and said, "Hey, will you text me or call me when you get home and let me know you made it?" He looked at me like I was totally crazy and laughed, saying, "Sure, I guess I can do that." He left and I shut the door.

As I sat down and looked at my Christmas tree, I thanked God for such a wonderful day, and it hit me...I realllllllllly liked this guy.

And that's when I really started panicking.

To be continued...

(To continue to Chapter 6, click HERE.)

Lieutenant Brown, Chapter 4...

(To read Chapter 3, click HERE.)

"I have learned not to worry about love,

but to honor its coming with all my heart."

~Alice Walker

We kept emailing and talking and made plans for him to come down the following Sunday, while I diligently tried to figure out something really fun to do with him on a Sunday during the day in Portland. In the city, there are lots of amazing things to do around Christmastime, but most are in the evening, so those were out. I knew I had about 6 hours with him, so I started figuring some things out. On Saturday night, nervous that he might think it was a weird or awkward suggestion, I emailed him and asked him if he'd like to go to church with me while he was in town. Thankfully, he enthusiastically replied he'd love to. :)

Sunday morning finally rolled around and I waited anxiously for him to come. I had made cookies the day before and made pumpkin bread in the morning so my apartment would be warm and smell good. (Unfortunately I thought it would be a good idea to test out that old wives' tale that you can cut yourself on the lid of a can--one very bloody knuckle later, I can attest to it's truth--so that was fun.) I got ready and waited nervously for him to come.

I had talked with April about whether or not she thought I should get him a Christmas present. We agreed that it was a tricky situation, but I probably should get him something kind of benign. I settled on an audio book about the Beatles (his favorite band--I figured he's spending a lot of time in the car, right?) and a comedy DVD. So I wrapped that all up and waited for him.

I will admit I was waaaaaaay more nervous when he showed up for our second date than I was on our first. I think this time my expectations...no, hopes...were quite a bit higher. :) When he arrived at my house, he handed me a gift bag full of red tissue paper and said, "If you don't have one of these already, you need one." (When I opened it later, it was a Gonzaga basketball Christmas ornament--perfect! And he was right, I didn't have one and I did need one!) He came in and met my crazy puppy (thankfully we had already discussed the fact that he loves dogs, and Allee loves EVERYONE, so I know they'd be fine with each other), and we talked for a few minutes. I don't know why I was so nervous! But after a few minutes we realized we needed to head to church, so we left.

It was SO nice to go to church with him! As I sat by him, I had a very sudden realization that I realllllly liked him. And what better place to realize that than church, right? :) After we'd been to church together, I felt sooooo much better and less awkward and nervous about the whole thing. The rest of the day was easy and fun. It wasn't exactly planned, but we ended up having a very fun, very "Portland" day. We went to brunch at this AMAZING restaurant called Papa Haydn's, then headed up to go on the Christmas tour of Pittock Mansion. We had a lot of fun, laughing and joking and gently teasing each other. It was a rainy, awful day, but for once I didn't really care. :)

Earlier in the week he had mentioned something about Voodoo Donuts (a famous, quirky Portland donut shop), but said he'd never been there. Since we still had some time, I made a last minute decision to go there so we headed back downtown. He asked if we were going to Powell's and I told him that wasn't the plan, but that we could go there next if he was interested in going. So that's what we did. :) (See THIS POST for more on that.)

When I asked him a few days before, he said he needed to leave by 6ish, so I was pretty happy when we got back to my apartment at 5:58! :) He walked me in...and said, "I can hang out a little longer, if that's okay." It was definitely okay with me. So we hung out and played with Allee for a little bit...until I looked down and realized that my knuckle was bleeding through the band-aid. Really attractive, right? He noticed it at the same time I did, so I excused myself to go get another bandage and fix it. I came back in and he said, "Is it okay? Let me see." I said, "You don't want to see this! It's totally gross!" He said, "No, let me see it." So he looked at my nasty, bloody hand, and told me he was sorry and that I was right, it was pretty bad. :) I was sooooo embarrassed! He just laughed and said, "It'll be okay." I quickly re-bandaged it and we went back to chatting and playing with Allee. It was quiet for a minute, and then he took a deep breath.

"So...what do you think about all this? About us?" he asked.

To be continued...

(To continue to Chapter 5, click HERE.)