Truth About Love and Marriage

Along with probably almost everyone I know, my heart and attention has been captivated the last few days by the events surrounding the wedding of the newly-titled Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. As a level-headed woman, I blame this on the fact that I lived for a time in London, and fell in love with the British culture and people and so anything British/English/Londonish always grabs my attention. And I will admit that the last few days have left me feeling VERY homesick for the city I once called home.

But there is, of course, like most women, a big part of me that not-so-secretly adores watching a beautiful woman find her prince and show us all a real-life fairy tale, especially in a time when so much of the news we see is not so good. I will be the first one to say the media hype was A LITTLE much (okay...a lot), but I think there's something to be said for two young people who can bring a large portion of the world together in a giant celebration of something so amazing and fundamental and REAL and important: LOVE.

I think the most amazing person of the whole thing is Princess Catherine. I know most of us are still swooning over her going from commoner Kate Middleton to full-fledged royalty--the future Queen of England. I recognize, of course, that she is gaining an incredible life, riches most of us can't begin to imagine, fame and fortune, etc., etc., etc. But she's also giving up a tremendous amount: her privacy, freedom to come and go as she pleases, her name!, and probably a lot more that I can't begin to imagine. But the cost was worth it to her because I really, truly believe she and William are in love. That's the best part of this whole thing. And she's handling all of this with such dignity and poise and grace. I really admire her.

I also love that she's the same age as me! Seeing her marry her prince and head off into her happily ever after gives me a lot of hope.

Okay, enough of the sappy stuff. Here's what I loved the most about the whole thing: the wedding sermon given by the Bishop of London. I loved that he spoke right to the couple and spoke truth about love that we don't often hear--truth that I think it behooves us all to remember when we think about love and marriage. And I think following his advice could really help ALL of us continue on our paths to happily ever after. I looked it up after I watched it, and I have read it several times now. I'm putting it here, because they are words I want to remember. Here is his sermon, in it's entirety:

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” So said St Catherine of Siena whose festival day it is today. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.

Many are full of fear for the future of the prospects of our world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one – this is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.

In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.

William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous God who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ.

And in the Spirit of this generous God, husband and wife are to give themselves to each another.

A spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.

It is of course very hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness. And people can dream of doing such a thing but the hope should be fulfilled it is necessary a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love.

You have both made your decision today – “I will” – and by making this new relationship, you have aligned yourselves with what we believe is the way in which life is spiritually evolving, and which will lead to a creative future for the human race.

We stand looking forward to a century which is full of promise and full of peril. Human beings are confronting the question of how to use wisely a power that has been given to us through the discoveries of the last century. We shall not be converted to the promise of the future by more knowledge, but rather by an increase of loving wisdom and reverence, for life, for the earth and for one another.

Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner. There must be no coercion if the Spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom. Chaucer, the London poet, sums it up in a pithy phrase:

“Whan maistrie [mastery] comth, the God of Love anon,

Beteth his wynges, and farewell, he is gon.”

As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We are all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive, we need mutual forgiveness, to thrive.

As we move towards our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light. This leads to a family life which offers the best conditions in which the next generation can practise and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division and incubate the coming world of the Spirit, whose fruits are love and joy and peace.

I pray that all of us present and the many millions watching this ceremony and sharing in your joy today, will do everything in our power to support and uphold you in your new life. And I pray that God will bless you in the way of life that you have chosen, that way which is expressed in the prayer that you have composed together in preparation for this day:

God our Father, we thank you for our families; for the love that we share and for the joy of our marriage.

In the busyness of each day keep our eyes fixed on what is real and important in life and help us to be generous with our time and love and energy.

Strengthened by our union help us to serve and comfort those who suffer. We ask this in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Congratulations and best wishes to this beautiful couple.

May God bless your marriage today and always, and may you truly have your happily ever after.

LB, Chapter 11

(To read Chapter 10, click HERE.)

"The human heart, at whatever age,

opens to the heart that opens in return."

~Maria Edgeworth

I got up SUPER early to run Devin and Tana to the airport (the least I could do, since they were letting me stay in their house for almost a week!), and crashed again for a few more hours before I needed to get ready to meet up with LB. Unfortunately circumstances meant I'd be running on just a few hours of sleep, but I knew my excitement and adrenaline would get me through the day.

LB picked me up at 10, as promised, and we headed down to have lunch with his friends at the camp they've all worked at (his two friends are the camp directors there). It was kind of a long drive down to the camp, but I didn't mind one little bit. About halfway through the trip he reached down and grabbed my hand, and I think we pretty much held hands every moment we were together from then until I had to head back to Portland on Sunday.

I have to admit, I was really excited to meet his friends, but also really nervous. I knew they are really important people in his life (they are both college friends, they've worked at camp together, and Dave and LB used to be roommates), so I wanted to make a good impression. They were fantastic! Both Sarah and Dave are super gracious, kind, fun people, and I really enjoyed hanging out with them. We had a great lunch, then LB and Dave took me on a tour of the camp.

It is a GORGEOUS place. It didn't take long for me to figure out why he loves it there so much. It was fun to walk around and see how he interacts with his best friend--they are hilarious together. Walking around and seeing the place he has talked about so much with me for the first time was awesome. I saw the ropes course where he had talked about leading weekend groups, and the waterfront, the dining hall...it was so awesome. And just like anywhere on the coast in the Pacific Northwest, it was green and beautiful--although he insists "it's beautiful...but you should see it in the summer!"

We headed back up to Dave and Sarah's house and started a game of Settlers of Catan...which I lost miserably! It was really fun just to hang out and talk and play the game together. At the end, I said, "It's okay, I don't mind losing. It was fun!" And Dave looked at LB and said, "She's perfect." :) Talk about a rousing vote of approval!

After a fun few hours, we got back in the car and headed up to Tacoma to have dinner with another couple of his friends, Matt and Allison. They had just gotten engaged a week or so before, so it was fun to get together and celebrate with them. (When I stepped away to use the bathroom, and they asked LB to be a groomsman in the wedding this summer!) We had a great conversation and I was glad to meet a few more of his friends.

When we got in the car, LB said, "So...what are you doing July 3oth?" I laughed and said, "Ummmm...I think I'm free." And he asked me to be his date to the wedding. Glad to know this man is thinking ahead!

To be continued...

Happy Birthday to My Sweetheart!

I just have to post a shout-out to my sweet boyfriend. We actually celebrated his birthday last weekend, since we spent today, his actual birthday, at a Memorial Service for a friend of his who died in a tragic accident a few weeks ago. It was a very nice service, and great to see a lot of his friends.

We did have sort of a mini-celebration afterwards, with a birthday dinner at Red Robin. It was really fun, and I smuggled in a birthday cake I made him as a surprise (it took some ninja moves on my part to get it there, since he decided we should drive his car from the service to the restaurant, but he was definitely surprised--I figured if you have to spend your birthday at a funeral, you should at least get to have a birthday cake!). Then we went back to his parents' house and snuggled up to a movie on the couch (yep, I've officially met the parents now!). It was a nice day.

The point is, it's been eight months since I met this incredible man, and I am a lucky, lucky girl. He is kind and sweet and smart and funny and talented and wonderful, and I definitely feel like I'm the one who got the gift in him. He's pretty great. :)

Happy birthday, babe! Love you!

Sicky McSickerson

You guys, I have been terribly behind in updating my blog! I'm so sorry. I will keep working on catching up--slow and steady wins the race, right?

The truth is, I have been fighting off a raging sinus infection since the end of January. Seriously, that long. So here's the story:

I started getting sick late January and I hoped, hoped, hoped it was just a cold or something and I could fight it off. I took sudafed like it was going out of style (seriously...I could take out stock in pseudoephedrine), and allergy meds and airborne and vitamin c and you name it. I did everything I could. I drank about 3 gallons of OJ, slept as much as possible--nothing.

Finally, mid-February-ish, on top of everything else, I woke up with a raging earache. LB gave me strict orders that I needed to see a doctor (which was already in the plan). The next day I had to teach the whole day, and I couldn't hear AT ALL out of one ear (awesome), so after a miserable, long day, I headed to Urgent Care. The doctor confirmed that I had a sinus infection and double ear infection, so he gave me a prescription for sudafed (yeah...you have to have a Rx in Oregon) and another for a Z-pack antibiotic.

The Z-pack cleared up my earache pretty well, but didn't even touch the sinus infection. I know a Z-pack is supposed to keep working for a couple weeks after you finish it, so I thought I'd wait it out and see if it would work. Nothing. So finally, completely miserable, I went back to Urgent Care (the doc had told me to come back if it didn't work after a couple weeks). He saw me again and said that if the antibiotics didn't work, the next step was to get a CT scan of my sinuses. That seemed a little extreme to me, but after 2 solid months of feeling crappy, I was a little desperate.

I kept taking my concoction of cold and allergy medicines to keep me functioning and feeling like 1/2 a human being and set up the CT scan. I had never had a CT before, so I was a little nervous, but it was quick and easy. Luckily it had been scheduled during the schools' spring break, and I had already arranged to take a few days off to try to recuperate a bit (since I had worked about a bazillion hours already, taking a few days off was no big deal--I didn't even have to take vacation time for it). So I called in to see about results a few days later, and all they would tell me at the Urgent Care was that the scan confirmed I had a sinus infection and needed to see an ENT.

Seeing an ENT is easier said than done. You really can't just get an appointment with an ENT, so I decided to start from scratch and get a whole new doctor (which I needed to do anyway). I made an appointment for the next day.

Dr. D'Souza is a hilarious, kind, awesome doctor from India. I'm pretty sure I was the last patient of the day, and he spent a long time with me, which was really nice. They gave me the report from my scan (thank goodness for the biology degree--times like these it comes in really handy) and he told me, again, that I needed to see an ENT. But he also told me that in true sinus infections, antibiotics don't really penetrate the sinuses very well, so you need steroids to decrease inflammation and to hit it really hard with a major antibiotic, which is exactly what we did. So with two Rx's and an appointment with an ENT later, I left.

I saw the ENT at the end of March, and he examined me, then he showed me bit by bit the pictures of my sinuses in the scan I got (which was SUPER cool, by the way). Here's a quick biology lesson for you:

You have four sets of sinuses in your head: one set deep in your head behind your nose (sphenoid sinuses), one set in your forehead (frontal sinuses), one set between your eyes (ethmoid sinuses), and one in your cheeks (maxillary sinuses). They all drain to the same place, and the maxillary sinuses are the ones that have to drain against gravity. Anyway, if you have any inflammation in there (usually caused by something like a cold), they can become blocked and can't drain, which then can cause a sinus infection. (For more info, click HERE.)

I was diagnosed with chronic sinusitis, which is a little different than just a sinus infection--mostly it's more annoying and super hard to get rid of--and it also turns out I actually have an extra set of sinuses on either side of my nose, which is a contributing factor to my misery. This means that, even more than usual, whenever I get sick at all, even with a simple cold, it's easy for my sinuses to get blocked off and I get these sinus infections that never go away.

So what does all this mean? Surgery. Yep, that's what the doc said. They are going to go in and remove these extra sinuses, and probably my ethmoid sinuses, too, while he's at it, put me on some more major antibiotics, and hopefully this will be a long-term solution. He promised me that without the surgery, this whole months-of-sick business every winter will be the norm. NO THANK YOU!!!

So, on May 16th, I'll be having surgery. Luckily he said my septum (the thing that goes down the inside of the middle of your nose) is right down the middle and nice and straight, so it should be a relatively easy surgery. They go in through your nose, so he said no stitches and I hopefully won't have any black eyes. I'll take a few days off from work to recover, but he said I'll be sore and feel crappy for a little while. But then hopefully I'll finally be done with this all-the-time sick stuff!

In the meantime, the combo of steroids and crazy antibiotics (and I started going to acupuncture, just for good measure) has finally started to make me feel like a human being again. So, I'll keep you posted, but that's the story for now. Hopefully I'll keep feeling better so I can be a functional person again soon, sans sudafed. :)

Happy Birthday to My Bestie!!

Today is my best friend April's birthday. I just have to put up a quick post about one of the most beautiful people I know.

I am SO blessed to have April in my life. I can't honestly remember when I met her (we were in Kids are Music way back in the day together, right, April?), and we went through a rough spell in Junior High (too much rivalry...eek!), but we teamed up in a CRAZY Advanced Drama class and have been friends ever since (yep, this means we have been friends over half our lives now...love it!!).

She has been such a blessing in my life. If you don't know this woman, sad for you, because she is incredible. We have been through A LOT together, and she is one person I always know I can count on, no matter where we live, no matter what happens. I can't begin to tell you how many hours we have spent laughing and crying on the phone together since we've been in separate cities. This girl is one of the few people I know who can read my mind (literally), and who can say it like it is without hurting my feelings and tell me the things I need to hear. She is super smart, uber talented and creative, and she is an amazing friend. She is also one of the funniest, sweetest, most supportive people I know.

When Erik and I broke up, Logan was 3 weeks old. I was a wreck and it was late at night, but I sent her a text that said, "Erik and I just broke up." The second she saw the text, she called me and said, "Oh my gosh, Jen, I can't believe you sent this text an hour ago and I just saw it, I am so sorry, I'm a terrible friend, I'm so, so, sorry!" I think I laughed before I started crying again and told her I knew she'd call me when she saw it, no biggie. She then proceeded to say exactly the things I needed to hear (like a best friend does), but the most amazing thing she said was this: "Jen, I have an infant. I am up all hours. Seriously. Call me anytime. You won't wake me up. If you need to talk, just call me." And over the next few weeks, as I worked through being a total mess, you'd better believe I took her up on that offer. She was 100% there for me when I really, really needed her, even through some really late night phone calls and a lot of tears, and I can't begin to tell you how much that meant (and still means) to me. She is one person I know I can call anytime, no matter what.

My sister and I agree she is like a sister to us--she practically lived at my house in high school, especially senior year (not that either of spent much time there, though--we were always at school!)! We have been through boy drama (waaaaay too much boy drama), life drama, roommate drama, you name it. And we've always managed to somehow come out on top. I love that I'm included on the "family" list so I get texts and videos of her adorable children doing hilarious things--she is an incredible mom, and you can tell by how awesome her kiddos are. I love that we're at pretty different places in our lives, and somehow, it doesn't matter. We can still talk for hours anytime, and when we see each other, it feels like no time has passed.

I could go on and on about how amazing and wonderful my best friend is, but suffice it to say, I love you, girl! No worries about being 30--the best is yet to come! :) Thanks for your love, your friendship, your support, and all the memories we have--you are the BEST! Happy, happy birthday!