Lieutenant Brown, Chapter 5...

(To read Chapter 4, click HERE.)

"There is nothing holier, in this life of ours,

than the first consciousness of love--

the first fluttering of its silken wings."

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I froze. "Don't screw this up, don't screw this up, dear God, please don't let me say the wrong thing and screw this up!!" instantly became the mantra and prayer running through my head. I had no idea what to say. While I had sort of hoped we'd clarify things a little that day, I wasn't really prepared for the DtR (Defining the Relationship) talk that night. And I'm not going to lie, I was panicking. But he asked the question and I had to answer, so I took a deep breath, hugged the pillow I was holding a little tighter, and turned to face him.

"Wellllll.....I like you. I'm really enjoying getting to know you and I like spending time with you." Then the panic set back in. "Uhhhhh....I don't know. What do you think?" I didn't want to say the wrong thing and scare him off, but I didn't want to not say enough and make him think I wasn't interested...so my mantra kicked back in full force. "Don't screw this up, Jen!"

He smiled and said that he agreed, he was really enjoying hanging out and talking and writing each other and that he thought I was really cool and he liked spending time with me. :) Then he asked me if I were looking for a relationship. Again, cue the mantra. I said, rather stupidly, "Well...yeah...I mean....isn't that why you do this?" (So much for not saying the wrong thing, right? Sheesh, Jen.) He just laughed and said, "Yeah, I mean, I guess so." Then he asked when we could see each other again.

We decided we'd probably have to wait until after Christmas, which was a bummer, but it made sense since my family was going to be in town. I figured once they left I could take a day off work and go up to Seattle for a couple days to hang out with him. We made that tentative plan, and then he said it was time for him to get going.

I asked him if I could send him with some goodies for the road (especially since we hadn't eaten since like 2:30), so I started making him a plate with cookies and pumpkin bread (and the little Christmas presents I'd gotten for him). While he was waiting, he spotted my guitar and asked if he could see it. He took it out of the case and started to play and I could tell he was pretty good. Unfortunately right about then I finished packing everything up, so he put the guitar away.

We said our goodbyes and I walked him to the door. He stepped out and I leaned against the door frame and said, "Hey, will you text me or call me when you get home and let me know you made it?" He looked at me like I was totally crazy and laughed, saying, "Sure, I guess I can do that." He left and I shut the door.

As I sat down and looked at my Christmas tree, I thanked God for such a wonderful day, and it hit me...I realllllllllly liked this guy.

And that's when I really started panicking.

To be continued...

(To continue to Chapter 6, click HERE.)