And Now, the Men's Turn: Advice to Teenage Girls

After receiving so many wise, intelligent, brilliant, insightful responses to the question about advice for teen girls from the women in my life, I decided I should give the many kind, respectful, amazing gentlemen in my life the same opportunity to respond. Here are their thoughts:

Advice to Teenage Girls From Amazing Men

I would say to never let boys determine your self-worth. Be confident in who you are and don't compromise your values.

~Kelly (30-something)

Don't sweat it; the boys feel just as nervous.

~David (20-something)

Boys are dumb. :) Seriously, though, don't expect guys to pick up on subtle hints, messages, feelings, etc., especially in high school.

~Matt (30-something)

Go to church.

~Gavin (6ish)

Love yourself and if you want to ever be viewed seriously by a guy as a human, then dress beautifully, but modestly.

~Joe (20-something)

There's plenty of drama in high school, but if you refuse to get dragged into it, you'll really stand out.

~David (20-something)

Don't let other people determine what YOU will/want to do in life.

~Chris (30-something)

Don't worry about what society and culture says.

~Brandon (30-something)

Always be nice.

~Scott (10ish)

One thing that stands out is how women dress. You can be gorgeous and modest at the same time. Men will respect you for it!

~Mark (30-something)

Look at the way a boy treats his mother and sister and understand that is usually the way he will treat his wife and female co-workers when he grows up. If they don't treat mom and sis with respect it isn't magically going to change.

~Kevin (50-something)

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I am beyond blessed to have so many gentlemen of amazing integrity and values who honor and respect women, and I thought these were AMAZING pieces of wisdom to share with all of us. Thanks, men!

Advice to Teenage Girls, Part 2

Advice to Teenage Girls from Women Who Have Been There

Be outgoing. Participate in events at school and church. Smile--it lifts your spirits and others' around you. Be active in group sports or individual spots. Wear sunblock, your skin will love you when you are 50.

~Angela (30-something)

Be modest. Take care of yourself and dress like you're worth a million bucks, because you are. Believe in yourself. You are important and no one can do what you can do in our world. Take pride in that.

~Katie (30-something)

DREAM BIGGER!!!!

~Alison (30-something)

I would tell my teenage self to just be me and do what makes me happy. Those girls that you are trying to press and be friends with, you will only be seeing them at reunions, and they are never as great as you thought they were 10 years before! You will still be in contact with the people who were your real friends.

~Jennifer (30-something)

I would tell my teen self: Know that you are valuable and important in this world. You deserve and should expect respect.

~Peggy (50-something)

You are beautiful. There are lots of boys who would like to talk to you. No, really, YOU! That girl who thinks this doesn't apply to you, you are who I am talking about. I had no clue I was attractive, thought I was too tall and sporty, too strong, my hair was too curly. I didn't think I was ughly, I just had no idea that I was beautiful. And all those boys, they were just too nervous to say hi because I was so damn hot and they didn't think they were good enough fo rme! Also, ignoring someone does not mean you are flirting with them. It's really okay to flash that beautiful smile and be friendly and actually get to know new people. Having one conversation doesn't MEAN anything is goin to happen, but it is still fun and I promise you--You will make their day!

~Jaime (30-something)

Waiting until you are married is the only way to give your whole self to someone. Every person you are with, you give them a little bit of yourself.

~Sarah (30-something)

Girls are mean--don't try to fit in, be yourself and don't apologize for it.

~Rachel (20-something)

No matter what, there is good and there is bad in every situation. You want to talk about winning the lottery? Guess what, you have to pay taxes and that's really expensive. So you can focus on the taxes or you can focus on winning the lottery, and you have to decide which side you look at. Every situation has a good side and a bad side, and it's up to you how you choose to look at it. You can laways find good in any situation, but the reverse is also true. If you're always focused on the negative, it doesn't matter the situation, you will always be unhappy.

~April (early 30s)

Don't be afraid to go out and do things by yourself. If you want to do something, don't wait until you can convince one of your friends to go with you! just go see that cool new movie/take that class/volunteer for that organization. Who knows, you might meet new people that you would then have something in common with!

~Kayleigh (20-something)

Don't worry so much about what other people think.

~Marian (60-something)

Imagine a circle and yourself in the ring of the circle with all others, holding hands in the game of life--you are not, nor do you want to be, in the center!

~Debbie (50-something)

My years as a teen in our schools was not a happy time for me, but looking back I really wished that someone would have told me...You will be hurt. You will be disappointed. Things will happen that are unfair. And it's all out of our control except how we handle it. Even if it's unbearable inside, keep a smile on your face and know that you are a beautiful daughter of our heavenly father, have confidence in yourself that regardless of what others might think. Believe in yourself. Believe that with every negative aspect of your life you can take control by adding positivity and beauty. We have THAT power. It's our super power.

~Katie (early 30s)

The teenage years are so hard! Find your true friends and don't give up on your dreams. Girls can do anything! But girls are so mean to each other, too. Don't be judgmental, you don't know what is going on in other people's homes and families.

~Andrea (20-something)

If you are "popular" in high school...nobody cares about that after you graduate. Really. Nobody cares. Nobody. Be kind. If for no other reason, you're going to attend your 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th and beyond high school reunions and you don't want to feel bad about the way you treated people.

~Ann (50-something)

Spend more time honoring and celebrating family time.

Sarah (20-something)

Don't sweat the small stuff, and listen to your parents, they are probably right.

Lauren (20-something)

"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." God blessed girls with their own personality, find your talents, and use them! God answers many prayers through other people. Use your talents to bless those around you.

~Andrea (20-something)

I would tell my teenage self that patience is a virtue and the butterfly will emerge from teh cocoon before you realize it. Also, not to place your self-worth on if a boy is talking to you or not, but from the love you receive from family and friends. That is where the true worth comes into play. Life isn't simple or easy, it's tricky and complicated...how amazing is that? Surroud yourself by those you trust and love, and the experience will be wonderful.
(And listen to your parents.)

~Belinda (early 30s)

If I could go back and tell my teenage self something, it would be, "Don't waste your time with those losers. You'll get your fair share of good guys and bad guys. Always be open to God's will for you, and for God's sake, nobody wants to see your ass crack!"
~Ciera (20 something)

Don't be in such a hurry to "grow up." Be an adult, be independent, but GO TO COLLEGE and enjoy the college experience. I didn't do that and now I regret it. One can always go back to school, but that time in your life is the only time one can truly fully experience "college" (roommates, college games, study sessions with all your single friends), etc. I don't regret getting married and having babies early, but I wish I would have also seen the value in going away to school and doing the roommate/college thing, too. I feel I missed out on something special there.

~Hope (30-something)

There will always be someone smarter than you, thinner than you, faster than you. Be humble. You will always be smarter than someone, thinner than someone, faster than someone. Be kind.

~Erika (30-something)

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It was such a privilege and a blessing to hear from all these wise, insightful, strong, beautiful women, and to be able to share their words with this group of girls. Please feel free to share any of these gems of inspiration with anyone who might be able to benefit from them...even if you are just young at heart, I think these are good pieces of wisdom for all of us to hear.

Advice to Teenage Girls, Part 1

This weekend I gave a talk at a Youth Rally to several hundred high school aged girls. We talked about self-image and the amazingness of being a woman, and just to add to it, I did a little crowd sourcing in preparation and asked my friends (men and women alike) for a little advice to teenage girls (or to themselves as a teenage girl). I received so many beautiful, brilliant, wise, insightful responses that I wanted to bundle them in one place. So with no further adieu...

Advice to Teenage Girls From Women Who Have Been There

Don't take yourself too seriously. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Don't waste your time on boys that don't want to waste their time on you. And finally...don't change who you are or compromise your values for anyone. Ever.

~Katie (30-something)

Two pieces of advice to my teenage self (and all the teenage girls I work with)--playing small does not serve anyone, especially women. Also, you will probably regret trying to be popular, but you will never regret being kind, even if it hurts you. True kindness, yours and others, will be what you remember best about these years.

~Cat (30-something)

"You can do hard things." This applies to every aspect of life: education, relationships, romance (abstinence)...integrity requires work.

~Rachel (30-something)

No matter how you feel in high school, most people don't marry their high school boyfriend. So even though he says he loves you and always will...wait anyway.

~Karalee (20-something)

Trust the people who raised you, because they know more than you think they do.

~Janna (30-something)

Don't underestimate yourself and your abilities. You are MUCH stronger than you think you are--physically and mentally. The world is wide open to you if you are courageous enough to take it on.

~Carissa (30-something)

Advice I would give? Don't care so much about what other girls think. Care about what you think. And remember that your thoughts are just as important as anyone else's, be they girl or boy.

~Ann (20-something)

Dignity and repect isn't something you need to earn. It is a gift you were given when God called you to be.

~Renee (30-something)

Embrace your own and others differences. Don't be a bully.

~Molly (40-something)

If it feels wrong it usually is. Trust your gut womanly instincts.

~Carly (early 30s)

If you are sneaking around, it is wrong without a doubt.

~Renee (30-something)

My daughter is 2 1/2, aside from my biggest desire for her to have a relationship with the Lord, I want her to be smart, capable, and indpendent. Yes, I embrace my role as a mother and a wife, but refuse to be locked in the kitchen and laundry room. Learn how to fix, build, and get dirty. And be nice.

~Andrea (30-something)

Don't rush, you have your whole life ahead of you. Live one day at a time while that's still possible.

~Lexi (early 20s)

You can do anything. Your dreams can come true, but it takes faith and hard work to see them through. Believe in yourself.

~Monica (late 20s)

High school is not as big a deal as it seems when you're in it. Life goes on after high school, and whether you were popular or not popular, whether you were an outcast or part of the in crowd, no matter what, life goes on and high school will fade into the distance. What you are now doesn't determine what your life will be like in the future. The girls you envied won't necessarily have it any easier when you're a grown up.

~April (early 30s)

And one famous one:

In bathrooms, boardrooms, buses, bagel shops, and everywhere else, we all need to imagine a little girl following us around, repeating everything we say and everythign we do. Think about all the things you want for yourself and your daughters, granddaughers, and girls everywhere--and teach them by living it yourself.

~Nell Merlino,

in "Stepping Out of Line: Lessons for Women Who Want It Their Way In Life, In Love, And At Work"

A Few Hints For the Gentlemen of the World...

I went on a date this weekend. (*gasp* Are you shocked? I kinda am!) I mean, I guess it was a date in that a guy asked me to go to coffee with him and I accepted. I don't know him very well, and even though I wasn't really feeling it with him based on what I did know, I was fairly certain he wasn't a serial killer or anything, and we were meeting at a coffee shop in a public place, so I figured I'd at least make it out alive and I agreed to go. He was nice enough, but I want to share a few pieces of advice I would give him (the italicized words were, more or less, the thoughts running through my head):

1. Might I recommend doing your homework when you pick a place to ask a girl to meet you? I mean, as much fun as it was to sit outside on the busy street corner with all the traffic whizzing by and the high-pitched shrieking sound coming out of the stoplight roughly every three minutes, next time it might be a good idea to check the website and make sure the Starbucks you want to go to actually has seating and isn't a drive-through only. Just sayin'. (Thank goodness the weather was nice!)

2. Complaining incessantly throughout the entire date about the location YOU chose is probably not a good way to make sure we're both having a good time. Okay, I get that the noise from the stoplight is obnoxious, but really? I don't think it's actually piercing into your brain like you've now told me three times.

3. It's kind of awkward if you invite someone to a coffee shop, you show up and don't actually get anything. Thank goodness I got there early and bought my own drink!

4. It's possible that, if you want to make a good impression, the first thing out of your mouth shouldn't be something along the lines of: "You don't seem like someone who's going to like cut off my head and put it in your freezer or something." Sweet. Glad that's not the first thing that comes to mind when you look at me. (WHAT?)

5. And that comment probably shouldn't be followed up with: "Well, I mean, you don't like collect men's hands or anything, right? You're not going to cut off my hand and take it home for your collection? I mean, I do have very delicate hands..." (Again...WHAT?!?)

6. When you don't know a girl very well and you're on a first date with her, knowing she has a Master's degree (for crying out loud), it's probably best not to say: "So, obviously you're finished with school and stuff, so what are your goals now--to just be barefoot and pregnant?" (Ummm...seriously???)

7. The girl with the Master's degree probably isn't going to be very impressed when you tell her that your family places no value on education and your mom told you it was a waste of time and money when YOU decided to get a Master's degree. If she thinks that about her own kid...

8. Generally speaking, it's bad form to say to someone, "I don't even want to ask how much you have in student loans. My dad paid for all my school, but I wouldn't have gone if I had to go into debt for it." So, clearly NOT just your parents who place high value on education, huh? And by the way, I wouldn't take back one second of my college experience, student loans or not. Schmuck.

9. If you don't know someone very well, you probably shouldn't say things like, "I really hate those gay motorcycle riders who think they're so cool they have to take the mufflers off their motorcycles." There are a lot of things wrong with that statement, the most glaring thing being the offensive use of the word "gay." Ummm...you don't know me very well, so how do you know I don't have friends or family members who happen to be gay? Didn't your parents ever tell you that you shouldn't say things like that? It's totally rude.

10. And you probably shouldn't follow it up with: "Yeah, I watched this South Park episode once where they changed the meaning of the word "fag" to mean people who ride motorcycles. It was hilarious!" REALLY??? Ummm...would this be a good time to mention that my brother-in-law rides a motorcycle, my cousin rides a motorcycle, my dad used to ride a motorcycle...

11. On a first date with a girl you barely know, you may want to hold off on disclosing things like: "Yeah, I woke up this morning and I was doing the math about my brother's birthday and my parents anniversary, and they just don't add up. I never realized it before, but when I call my sister next week for her birthday, I'm gonna have to talk to her about that." Why, pray tell, did you think it was a good idea to tell me this? Or that it was any of my business? And how on earth are you 27 years old and you haven't figured this out before now? Seriously?

There were lots more gems from the two hours we sat at the little outside table on the street corner, but suffice it to say...

I won't be seeing him again. :)