Adventures in Dating (Part 1)

Back in the days before I had a blog, I went on the worst date of my life. (I know, I know, you must be thinking "how could she have possibly had a date that was worse than the one her last post told about?" but, don't you worry, I have.) Let me share (my thoughts and my tips for guys will be in italics):

The year after I finished grad school, I worked as an AmeriCorps volunteer for a year. As part of that experience, I did direct service as a Disaster Relief Volunteer for the Red Cross. Most Disaster volunteers are older, often retired folks, and I was definitely the youngest in my trainings and at our meetings. This, in many ways, made me the darling of the group (whether I wanted that or not). There was one guy who was younger, a student at Eastern Washington University, who was student teaching that year at a local high school. He was kind of nerdy, but pretty nice. He gave me a ride home from a training one day, usually sat by me at meetings and classes, and I could tell it was just a matter of time until he asked me out.

One day, the inevitable happened. He asked me to go on a date, and I agreed. I was pretty busy, so it ended up working out that we could go out on a Sunday. He came and picked me up around 1:00 PM, and asked me what I wanted to do.

*Note to the gentlemen of the world: This was problem #1. I mean, seriously? If you ask a girl on a date, have a plan. Don't ask her what she wants to do, especially if it's a first date.

Finally he decided he wanted to go for a little Sunday afternoon hike. Did I mention it was December? In Spokane? Not exactly prime hiking weather. Luckily I had on my winter coat and decent shoes and jeans, so I decided it was okay. He drove me up to Riverside State Park to go on a little hike he thought would be fun.

Tip: if you don't want to freak a girl out, it's probably a good idea NOT to take her in your jeep up TO A SECLUDED LOCATION IN THE WOODS BY THE RIVER!!! Seriously, have you never seen a horror movie? This scenario NEVER ends well.

We started hiking, and he told me it was about a mile down to the river. The path was SUPER narrow, so the only way to walk was single file. Ummm...how was this a good idea? This is where it started to go downhill. He walked behind me (ummm...kind of creepy! And guys...in my humble opinion, leading the way is a good idea. That way if we happen upon a bear or a serial killer or bigfoot or the boogeyman, you get to show me what a man you are when you are trying to protect me) and we started the interrogation.

As we walked he asked question after question after question, rapid fire, never giving me a chance to try to turn it into a mutual conversation. Now, I'm not saying questions are a bad thing--they can be very useful in sparking a conversation. But there is a big difference between a conversation and an interview/interrogation. And it's not that fine a line. Figure it out. Finally we made it down to the river. We hung out there for a just a couple minutes before he said, "Well, let's head back." Ummmm...already? Okay...

The hike back to the car was more of the same, so I was pretty relieved when we arrived back at the car. I thought, "Okay, well, that was fun...ish...so by the time we get back to my house we will have been hanging out for a couple hours, so that'll be the date." Ohhhhhhh, but I was sorely mistaken.

Tip: Most dates are a one activity situation. If you go for a hike and it's not around a mealtime, that is good enough. The only other activity that should be combined with another would be a meal. For example, if it had been dinnertime, we could have gone for a hike/dinner, or a hike/hot chocolate.

We got back in his jeep and started driving. It didn't take me that long to figure out that he wasn't headed back to my apartment, he was headed downtown. I sat there, dying, wanting to just go home, and trying to figure out where the heck we were going. We got to downtown Spokane and he got progressively more frustrated as he tried to find parking. (Random question: why do guys always get SO frustrated when they're having trouble finding parking?)

Finally we parked and he got out of the car and headed toward...the ice skating arena. My heart sank. Are you serious? Ice skating is a multi-hour activity, and we've already done a multi-hour activity. I DO NOT FREAKING WANT TO GO ICE SKATING, I WANT TO GO HOME! I am far too nice a girl to ever say something like that, but you better believe I was thinking it. And don't get me wrong--I like ice skating just fine, but it should be the major portion of the date, not Part 2 of an already long date. We walked over and (thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouJesus!!!) found out free skating was ending in 15 minutes (PHEW!!!). Again I thought, "Okay, now maybe he'll take me home." Ohhhhh, but again I was mistaken.

We kept hearing this loud music, and I asked where it was coming from. We kept walking and discovered it was the Carousel. This is a Spokane landmark, and something I hadn't done yet, and I told him so. So, of course, he went over and bought tickets. Of course, I was thinking, "Okay, sweet, this can be part 2, short and sweet, THEN he'll take me home." Hahaha. RIGHT.

We went on the Carousel, and it was a lot of fun. Then he said, "Let's go for a walk." So, if you're keeping track, by now it's like 5:00, in December, and it's not only freezing, but getting dark. In Spokane, there's a trail that runs along the river (read: COLD), and it's perfectly lovely during the day, but not the safest after dark...that's where we were walking. Again...guys...figure it out. So, being the way too polite girl, I agreed...and the interrogation resumed. And they weren't like normal, get-to-know-you kinds of questions. They were like, "So, what was the worst thing you ever did as a child that you wouldn't want anyone to know about?" Ummm...so why would I tell you?? It was really weird. We walked for probably close to an hour and finally headed back. He said, "Are you hungry?" I told him I was okay, and he said, "Well, are you freezing? Do you want to go get hot chocolate or something?" I again politely thanked him and told him I was okay...all hoping to just end the date and go home.

We finally got back to the car...and he started driving in the opposite direction of my apartment. We got up onto the South Hill, and he said, "Well, I don't know if you're hungry, but I am!" And he pulled into the parking lot of a strange little German-ish restaurant. Seriously? Are you freaking serious? If you already asked the girl if she wants food or drinks and she says no, not once but TWICE, it's probably not the best idea to kidnap her and take her to get food anyway. At this point I was seriously asking myself how long it would take to walk home. We went inside and ordered hot chocolates, and I hoped that we could just drink our hot chocolates and head out. No, no, of course not. He proceeded to order a huge German dinner...so I ordered a bowl of soup, just so it wouldn't be awkward to sit and watch him eat.

I ate as slowly as I could and waited for him to finish. Finally he did, and we got up to go pay at the register. He looked at me and said, "You can go first." Okay, are you kidding? I am as independent as they come, but c'mon dude...when you ask a girl out (and you've had her kidnapped for going on SEVEN hours), AT LEAST OFFER TO PAY FOR HER FREAKING FOOD! I mean, it's not like I ordered steak and lobster! It's a freaking bowl of soup and a hot chocolate--that's like $5. I couldn't even believe it. So I paid my tab and waited for him to pay his and we headed back out to the jeep.

As he headed back down the hill, I was praying he would finally take me home when he said, "Well, I'm starting to get the feeling that you're ready to go home, so I think I'll just take you back to your apartment now if that's alright." Wait...you're STARTING TO GET THE FEELING? It has been SEVEN FREAKING HOURS. And it's been like FOUR FREAKING DATES IN ONE!! This is like the longest first date in the history of the world! I've been ready to go home for at least five or six of those hours!!! Have I not been desperately trying to send you those vibes for HOURS now???? HOLY CROW. True to form, though, I answered, "Yeah, I should probably get back...I have some things I need to do tonight before I go to church."

So finally, after seven hours, he dropped me off at my apartment. I thanked him quickly, hopped out of the jeep, and ran up the stairs to my apartment. So there is the story of my epically long, interrogation-filled, awful date. I thought it was my worst date ever...but it may have recently moved into second place...

Part 2 still to come...

*Note: this was NOT the last time I heard from this guy. He called me several more times, and "unfortunately" I was always busy and couldn't go out with him. He was a nice guy, but I really just couldn't do that to myself again...especially when my feelings were PURELY platonic. Oh well. After his student teaching semester ended, he got busy and had to stop volunteering, so it wasn't really a big deal anyway.