ARGGGHH!

I have had an "ARGGGHH!"-ish few days.  I'm trying really hard to be positive, but holy moly, it's hard.  This is a total stream of consciousness venting post, so be warned.

My friend's mom called me on Friday to tell me that my friend had left the safety of their home with her daughter and as far as they knew was going back to her old house with the understanding that her husband would only be there during the day to run his bike shop, but would stay elsewhere evenings and nights (excuse me for being skeptical, but...).  BAH!  No, wait...  ARGGGHH!!!

Battered Woman Syndrome (yes, it's a real thing) is SO FRUSTRATING!  I totally understand that it is a huge web of mind-control and manipulation and lies and all the rest, but when you're the one on the outside looking in it seems so obvious!  I haven't actually heard from my friend in probably a week and a half now, so she doesn't know I know she's back in Portland.  The truth is I told her as long as she was taking steps to get/keep herself and her daughter safe and get out of their abusive situation, I was on her side, but if she went back I was out and I couldn't help her anymore.  It sounds harsh (it feels harsh), but that kind of tough love is the only way to get through to her (and was the recommended stance by several counselors, social workers, and domestic violence professionals I consulted).  So I guess my official position now has to be that I'm out, and I won't help her anymore (assuming she actually went back to the house, which I'm pretty sure she did).

Please pray for her and her daughter, that she could have the strength to get them both out of a scary, controlling, dangerous situation once and for all, before anything worse happens.  And please pray for me that I have the strength to stick to what I told her if she comes asking again--my tender heart will not find it easy, I know that already.  ARGGGHH!!!

Whole different topic... Clay is finally done with his nightmarish work schedule (I haven't heard the official number, but I think he's probably worked 400+ hours in the last 4 weeks).  Hopefully things will go back to normal for us soon, because right now I am struggling.  Relationships are HARD sometimes, and we are definitely entering the 4 month freak-out zone...and I'm not sure which one of us is freaking out, exactly, but I would say today was certainly a freaking-out kind of day for me.  I'm definitely a quality time girl (5 Love Languages, anyone?), and the lack of ANY time, let alone quality time, these last few weeks has been tough on me.  Tougher still that he FINALLY had a day off today and I did not get to see him at all (but that's another story for another day).  So hopefully that will be remedied soon, we can spend some time together, and we can work out the freaking out business, because today was HARD.  Actually, this whole week has been HARD.  And I can't handle HARD for too much longer.  (P.S. Happy day for having a private blog for a little bit, because ordinarily I would not be quite this candid about this stuff, but there we go.)  ARGGGHH!!

Technology is a funny thing, eh?  Normally I like it and I utilize it a lot, but today it only served the purpose of making me feel left out and unwanted.  I think maybe I need a little technology break--can I go live in the woods for awhile? I wish I could get by sans laptop and cell phone for a few days, but I guess not until I can take some time off.  :/

Speaking of work...  ARGGGHH!!  'Nuff said.

My friend Briana posted this on facebook today, and I needed to see it (awesome when God speaks to us that way):

Okay, officially wayyyyyy past my bedtime now, so I guess my vent is over.  Please pray for me--my little heart is having a tough go at the moment, and I just need some extra help to be positive and not discouraged on many fronts.  You are all in my prayers, too.  

Now I'm Private, and Here's Why...

Thanks, friends.  I think I added everyone who asked, and now I'm private for the time being.  It's a long, long story, but the gist of it is this:

A friend of mine from college has been in an abusive relationship with her husband and is a victim of domestic violence.  She has turned to me for assistance, as he has isolated her from her friends and family, and she knew I lived nearby.  Due to a long list of scary things she told me, and since I am a mandatory reporter for child abuse, neglect, and endangerment, I decided I had no choice but to take some action to help her get her child out of the home (my friend was thrown out of her home by her husband, is effectively homeless, and her 7 year old daughter was still in the home).  Through my own fault, he found out I made the report and he is VERY angry and threatening.  There is obviously A LOT more to the story, but the long and short of it is, for my own safety and the safety of those I love, I just need to make sure my online presence is safe and secure for awhile until things calm down and get sorted out.  My blog was already unsearchable and there aren't a ton of people who know I have it, but better to be safe than sorry. So thanks for shooting me a message and reading my blog and wanting to keep reading it now that it's private.

Don't worry about me--the police are involved and know everything that's been going on, and coincidentally I just happen to have recently moved (very near my sweet and strong boyfriend) and there are only like 5 people who know where I live, so I am totally safe.  I'm just concerned about my friend and her child, but she is being very brave and taking the necessary steps to get them both to a safe situation, and I am very proud of her.

Thanks for being concerned!  And thanks for caring about me and reading my blog.  :) 

Loves!

Privatizing...

Hey, friends.

Because of some craziness going on in my life right now, I've decided to make my blog private VERY SOON.  If you want an invite and don't already have one, please leave a comment on this post ASAP or send me a private message on facebook with your email address so I can get you an invite.  It's a long story, but for safety, I think it's important.

Thanks.

News and stuff.

Best news ever is that Clay's work decided he's too important on all the projects they have to do for the next month, so he is NOT moving to nights!!  HOORAY!!!  That means I might actually have a prayer (although a VERY small one) of seeing him between now and the 4th of July.

Second best news is that I FOUND AN APARTMENT!  It's VERY different from my current apartment, so moving in will be an adventure, but I signed the lease, paid my whole life savings (haha...only kind of joking), and got the keys this morning, so I officially have a new place to live!  And the BEST part is that it is only 1.4 miles from Amy and Sterling's house, and 0.6 miles from Clay's.  This will seriously make my life SO much better!  It's going to be so awesome to not have to spend all my evenings and weekends in the car if I want to see them from now on!  And my friend Leah only lives about five minutes away, too, which is another awesome part of the whole situation.  I was REALLY hesitant about the whole thing at first (I DESPISE moving), but the more I think about it now, the more I can really only see positives in the whole thing.  The only downside, really, is that it's more expensive.  Whatever.  Totally worth it.  So THANK YOU for throwing up a prayer or two for me, because finding and getting this apartment was 110% an answer to (frantic, fervent) prayer.  Now to undergo the crazy moving process.  Luckily I have a few weeks to do it, so it shouldn't be TOO bad, I hope.  On the bright side, it will be a good distraction from never getting to see my boyfriend.

I had the best weekend this weekend!  Clay finally got home around 8:00 on Friday, so we just had a super low-key evening together, which was really nice.  Then on Saturday, Amy and I took our dogs hiking in Forest Park (which is literally a giant forested park right in Portland--it's awesome) and ended up with some MUDDY puppies--like SERIOUSLY muddy.  We carried them straight to the bathtub when we got back to Amy's and washed away the sludge.  Then we went shopping to find Sterling a birthday present and ran into Clay and his friend downtown (how random is that?!).

Saturday night Clay took me to the Portland Roller Derby Championships!  Neither of us had ever seen Roller Derby before, and it was HILARIOUS!!  We had so much fun.  It was definitely an experience, and by the end I think I actually even understood what was going on.  The first game (match? bout?) was a total blowout, but the championship round was super close and won at the last second, so that was fun!  It was awesome.

Sunday morning we went to church together, then he took me out for lunch at this awesome Lebanese place, then we went out for frozen yogurt before he dropped me back off at my car.  It was the perfect way to spend a Sunday morning/early afternoon.

So, I guess you could say we're definitely trying to make the most of the time we have to see each other before he gets totally swamped...he starts working this Sunday and then he will only have one day off until the turn around at his plant is finished, hopefully by the 4th of July.  Poor guy.  But we're having fun in the meantime!  :)

And last but not least, I finished 30 Days in a row of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred this weekend!!!!  Super hard, but I feel awesome after doing it.  Now I have to find the next challenge.  If you're looking for a quick, hard, effective way to work out, I totally recommend that DVD.  It's awesome.

So, that's my story.  Now to start packing...

The Sweetest Note

I have been INCREDIBLY burned out lately.  Today was the last day of my after school program (a day I have been praying would hurry up and get here), and it couldn't have come soon enough.  But tonight I got an awesome reminder of why I keep doing what I'm doing when one of my 8th graders, a girl I've worked with for two years, came up and handed me a piece of paper, apologizing that she wasn't sure how to spell my name.  Here's what it said (exactly as she wrote it):

June 1, 2012
Dear Jenn Foresman

At the beginning of eigth grade I though you were some crazy teacher that was going to force me to change myself and tell me that I needed a mental hospital like some of the others that told me I needed help, but you didn't.  Yes you made me talk to you wich I hated at the moment you made me, but it helped.  You gave advice that helped me, and also made me believe that love can still be positive even when it feels like someones stabbing you trough your heart.  It can change you, and make you a "happier" person.  You have helped me alot, and thank you for truly caring and helping.

Sincerely,
A.K.

Yep.  That's why I keep doing this, even when it's hard.

Life Update...the Quick(ish) Version.

I have like five posts half started, but can never seem to get one finished.  The last couple months since my Grandma's unexpected funeral have been CRAZY.  I've never been so busy with work, and juggling that with life and relationships and everything else has been an adventure.  But the good news is I've been able to take my bike on some long rides when we've had nice weekends (rides with my sister are my fave!), I've been working out every single day (I'm on day 25 of Jillian Michaels's 30 Day Shred--YOWSA!), and school is out in just over a week, which SHOULD mean my life will significantly slow down here in another week or so (fingers crossed).

Things with Clay are going GREAT!  He's wonderful, and we have such fun together.  He is supportive and sweet and I feel really, really lucky to have him in my life.  He is swamped with work, too (even more swamped than I am, so I can't really complain, and his light at the end of the tunnel doesn't come until the 4th of July), so we don't get to see much of each other unless it's the weekend, but we're making it work.  He has to switch to night shift in a couple weeks for the duration of June so we'll see even less of each other, but he assures me it's just once every 3 years, and only for a few weeks.  That I can handle.

Isn't that sad?  Giant streak of red paint...grrrr....

In the continuing saga of Jen's incredibly, ridiculous, horrendously, almost comically bad luck with cars, Clay and I were watching a movie at his house a few weeks ago on a Friday night, and when I headed home, my car was not driving well.  It was swerving like crazy whenever I hit a bump and drifting to the center--not good.  I finally figured out that while we were curled up watching a movie, someone hit my car--HARD--and took off without even leaving a note.  It caused about $2500 worth of damage.  SERIOUSLY?  Oy vey.  But here's a good tip--I learned that if you are a victim of a hit and run, if you file a police report many insurance companies will dramatically drop your deductible--mine dropped by 70%.  So that movie on the couch with my boyfriend still cost me $300, but at least it wasn't $1000, right?  Gotta look at the bright side...

Those glasses are seriously ridiculous!  :)

Clay and I are usually pretty low-key, mostly hanging out with friends or watching movies at his house, but we had a date night last week that was a blast!  He is such a gentleman and never lets me pay for anything, so I went to the movie theater ahead of time to buy tickets to see "The Avengers" in 3D in one of the cool living room theaters in town.  We went out to dinner and then to see the movie, and it was a blast!  It was Clay's first 3D movie, and my first movie in one of those Living Room theaters--SO FUN.  Seriously, those theaters are amazing.  Nothing like going to the movies and still being able to curl up in a reclining love seat with your sweetheart...even if you are wearing those ridiculous 3D glasses.  :)

Poor baby...

So, that's pretty much my story lately.  I'm frantically trying to find a new apartment so I can move next month, hopefully closer to Amy and Sterling and Clay (they live about 3 minutes apart from each other, and I live about 30 minutes away from all of them) so I can stop spending a million dollars on gas to go see my family and my boyfriend, and actually be able to see them a little more often.  Plus I think Allee would appreciate me being home a little more often...since this is how I found her in her crate when I got home the other night!  Anyway, I would LOVE it if you could please say some prayers that I can find a safe, affordable, decent place SOON!

Hopefully I can finish and post some of those half-way-done posts I've got waiting in the wings soon...the light at the end of the tunnel IS getting brighter every day...

In case you're wondering, I think it's safe to say school employees look forward to the end of the school year just as much as (possibly even more than) the kids do.  :)  Even though I'm technically NOT a school employee, I just work in a school and I still have to work all summer, cheers to the end of the school year!

I'm a Lucky Girl.

You know you've found yourself a great boyfriend when he calls to ask how your day was and you tell him you've spent the afternoon barfing your guts out, he immediately says he'll be right over, then shows up with a grocery bag full of medicine, soup, gatorade, sprite, juice, and saltines, then sits on the couch and snuggles with pathetic, sick you in your pajamas until you're ready to climb into bed.  Even puking my guts out, I'm a lucky girl.