Make Someone's Day. I Dare You.

I don't know when it happened, but sometime, maybe in the past fifteen years or so, I have adopted this ethos that I try to live by.  I have a strong belief that when you love someone, admire someone, respect someone, appreciate someone...you should be real with them.  Tell them.  Tell them today.  And again tomorrow.  And as much as it takes until they GET IT.  Because on this amazing and beautiful adventure we call life, so much of the message we hear is NEGATIVE.  For some unknown reason, the negative are the words we speak, when the reality is that for most of us, the negative are the MINORITY.  We lose track of that.

I noticed in my life people would often say to me, about someone I knew or cared about, things like, "She is BRILLIANT."  "He is one of the kindest people I know."  "She is really an incredible lady."  "No one works harder than she does."  "He really went out of his way for me."  "I just admire him so much."  "I really couldn't have asked for anyone better."  This happened so many times, and I realized people were saying and thinking all these incredible things about each other, AND THEY NEVER EVEN KNEW IT.  And it broke my heart. Every. Single. Time.

I decided to do something about it.  I have an incredible memory.  When things make an impression on me, I will remember it.  Tomorrow, next week, probably twenty years from now.  I'm not talking about big things, I'm talking about little things.  Conversations.  Notes.  A kind word.  And the more I thought about it, the more I realized most of us have that same kind of memory about things that make a difference.  It's just that we don't get to hear those things very often.

So I promised myself anytime anyone told me something wonderful about someone I knew, I would share it with that person at the first opportunity.  I decided a long time ago when I hear something awesome about someone, they need to hear it, too.  It usually goes something like this, "Hey, I was talking to so-and-so the other day, and he had nothing but wonderful things to say about you.  I promised myself a long time ago that when someone tells me something great about someone else, I would share it with that person directly, so I just want you to know they said you......"  The result is always beautiful.

Will you do me a favor?  The next time someone tells you something wonderful about someone you know, will you tell them?

Every One of US

Every One of Us

Isn't it interesting
The way even the most put together of us
Doubt
Worry
Forget to trust?

Sometimes the ones who seem the brightest
Are just the best at hiding the darkness.

Have you ever thought
Someone who had it all figured out
Questioned
Wondered
Cried themselves to sleep at night?

Just because the outside looks polished
Doesn't mean they're not afraid.

What if we knew
The inner depth of a person
Their fear
Their heart
Their innermost longings?

They say don't judge a book by it's cover
But we are all so much more than books.

What if just for one moment
We shared ALLLLL the good things we see
Love
Admiration
Strength of Heart?

Maybe we could make a difference.
Maybe we could change a life.

It is time for us to open our eyes!
Every one of us is struggling
Hurting
Longing
Wishing to truly know we matter.

Every one of us can change the course
Maybe now's the time.

Asante sana, Afrika.

“Nime furahi kukutana nawe.”  I’m so happy to meet you. I said it quietly to child after child, waiting for the sparkle in their eyes as they looked up shyly, realizing I was trying my best to speak the broken Kiswahili I was quickly learning.  These are children who know pain.  They know suffering.  But they also know joy.  Their young lives have been permeated and punctuated with death and poverty, but at their core, they are just children, pleased that this mazungu—white person—was happy to meet them.

 

Many of these children have never seen a doctor.  They have no medical records.  For many of them, the opportunity to have eager nursing students from America call them over for their comprehensive health assessment was the first time they’d seen a health care professional.  As we navigated their varying levels of English proficiency, their unique health concerns, and did our best to use their native tongue, we learned more than we could have imagined.

“Unaumwa popote pengine?”  Does it hurt anywhere else?  As we completed our 227 assessments, we learned a great deal about the health of children in rural Tanzania.  These kids are lucky—they have been accepted at the City of Hope, as day scholars, boarding students, or residents—they are receiving a quality education and have caring adults who look after them and ensure their health and wellness.  They have resources available to them many of their neighbors and family members in nearby villages are not afforded.

 

At the local clinic, the staff delivers health care with what little they have, showing compassion and kindness to each patient who enters their door.  They have no electricity or running water.  Many basic supplies—things we throw away without a thought in US hospitals and clinics—are luxuries they use sparingly.  They never know who or what awaits them in the groups of people needing to be seen each day, and they welcomed us as members of their healthcare team without question.  It is comprehensive patient care in it’s simplest form—the patients are interviewed and tested, results analyzed in the makeshift laboratory under the light microscope in the next room, diagnoses are made, and treatment arranged or delivered while they wait.  Each day clinic staff navigates cultural situations we can hardly imagine, and they do it with dignity and respect for each and every patient.

“Hawa ni marafiki zangu!”  These are my friends.  Everywhere we went, from our daily walks through the village to the hospitals we visited, and everyone we met, from the sellers in the fabric markets, to our charismatic safari guides driving us through the magnificent Serengeti, to the villagers and children we saw every day, welcomed us with open arms.  Whether we were playing cards with the children, working in the fields, kicking the soccer ball, teaching health education classes, attending the children’s church on Sunday mornings, performing assessments, or joining in dance parties, we were a part of their community.  We arrived in Tanzania hoping to make a difference, but as the tears streaming down our faces as we said our goodbyes would attest, it was the Tanzanian people who truly made the difference; our lives will never be the same.  Asante sana, Afrika.  Thank you. 

"How Was Africa?"

How was Africa?  This is the question everyone asks but I couldn’t begin to answer if I tried...not unless you have several hours, maybe days, anyway, and even then I couldn't answer it fully.  A question like this begs a response like, "Amazing," "Unbelievable," "Hard," "Beautiful," "Life-Changing," or any number of similar trite responses that could never capture this kind of experience.  There are so many things that can never be put into words, and even the thousands of photos can never do it justice.

How can words ever be enough to describe the clarity of the stars in the Southern Hemisphere when there is no electricity for many, many miles, or the enormity of the African sky at sunset, or the beauty of the children's voices singing praises to God in the pre-dawn darkness as they work in the fields before their school day begins?

Words could never capture the deep laughter of Mama Jane as she ever-so-patiently coached us in Swahili, or the depth in the eyes of each child as they jutted out their chins with the simultaneous eyebrow raise that came to speak volumes in the course of an instant.  They knew all along what it meant.  It was we who had much to learn.

How does one explain the transition that takes place inside when you're trying to counsel a young woman, through a translator, who walked 30 km each way for HIV testing after her husband beat her because she refused to sleep with him after hearing rumors that he and his other wife were infected? Or the way I had to pay extra attention to every thought going through my head so it couldn't be read across my face as I tried to comprehend all the cultural implications of this beautiful woman's all-too-common story?

I could tell you about our incredible safari, the majestic lionesses we watched devouring their freshly killed zebra mere feet from our vehicles, the hundreds of hippos sunbathing or cooling off in the river, or the way we slept in the Serengeti, only the walls of our tents protecting us from the animals we'd been watching all day, but I couldn't explain the overwhelming smell of the hippo pools, the magic of the golden light bathing the giraffes as they feasted on the tallest branches of the trees, or the refreshing African rain that sprinkled through the open roof just before we saw our first wild elephants.

How can words describe the way it suddenly feels unnatural to wear anything but skirts out in public, or the way my heart longs to hear voice after voice calling out in their particular singsong, "Jambo! Habari!" as we walk down the road?  Or the pride and relief we felt when it finally became second nature to call back, "Nzuri!" just in time for us to leave?

Words fail to explain the emotion that spilled down our cheeks with our tears as the children we had grown to love sang their goodbyes, shared final hugs, and thrust some of the most beautiful letters we've ever received into our hands, wishing us well and reminding us, "Nakupenda sana"--I love you very much.

So how was Africa?  Amazing.  Unbelivable.  Hard.  Beautiful.  Life-Changing.  And so much more. Ask me about it sometime. I'd love to try to tell you all about it.

The Tale of the Unwelcome House Guest

Now, dear friends, gather 'round and I will tell you the tale of my unwanted house guest.  Last year when I lived in Portland, I had some unwelcome roommates of the gray, furry kind (and I don't mean Allee!).  They drove me NUTS and it took me almost two months to get rid of them.  My poor puppy about went crazy, too, especially the night we spotted one in my bedroom.  Needless to say we slept with the lights on and Allee growled and barked the WHOOOOOLE night.

Now that I live in North Carolina, I knew there was a possibility I might see some unwelcome roommates of a...crunchier variety.  Allee plus quarterly spraying by the exterminators have kept them at bay so far.  However, this summer, Allee is on an extended vacation to Doggy Disneyland (aka my parents' house) in Utah, and much to my dismay, these not-so-little little buggers (literally) have figured it out and are taking full advantage of her absence.

To be fair, I've only found a few, and they've all been dead (which means the poison is working like a charm, thank you exterminators!)...until now.

I asked my friend Nick about these little...no, strike that, GIGANTIC creatures, and he told me these are called Wood Roaches.  SICK.  He says this is lucky, because the little ones are German Cockroaches and they come in droves.  Wood Roaches usually just come in one at a time, and he says they come in when it rains.  Ughhhhh.  (If you want to know how disgusting these creatures are, go ahead and google "Wood Roach NC"--for those of you who can't handle bugs, I won't post a photo here.  Ughhhhh.)

All this makes total sense, because it's warmer, so they're coming out, and we've been having these glorious thunderstorms every couple days, so apparently they are trying to get out of the torrential rains these storms bring.  I get it.  Makes them no less disgusting.

Anyway, I was hanging out watching this glorious thunderstorm after class the other day, and when it cleared up, I went into the kitchen to make dinner.  I walked out and immediately I saw it--a huge, disgusting creature checking out the empty box I had put on the floor to take out to the garbage after the rainstorm.  It was then that I made my first mistake and broke the cardinal rule--NEVER LET THE ENEMY OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.  I immediately ran into the living room and slid on my flip-flops...no way was I going to attempt to vanquish this beast barefoot.  I ran back into my kitchen and saw...NOTHING.

I immediately called my mom.  When she answered I said, "You want to know the only thing worse than seeing a gigantic live cockroach on your kitchen floor?  LOSING SAID COCKROACH."  So I stood, half-frozen, talking on the phone to my mom while I surveyed the scene and tried to figure out where this vile creature had escaped to, when suddenly it came out of nowhere, running full speed toward me.

Now, I really make a pretty valiant effort not to swear, and especially not when I'm on the phone with my mom, but when a GIGANTIC COCKROACH COMES CHARGING AT ME ACROSS THE KITCHEN FLOOR, all bets are off.  "*$#&!!!!!!!" I yelled into the phone.  "Oh God, oh God, oh God, there it is!"  I backed up and tried not to panic, then apologized to my mom for swearing.  She calmly said, "WELL, STEP ON IT!!!!!"

Easier said than done, my friends.  First of all, WHY DID NO ONE EVER TELL ME HOW TALL THESE BUGGERS ARE?"  Seriously, not only are they the length of my freaking finger, they have these intensely long legs that make them stand up waaaaaaay taller than you expect off the floor. SICK.  I was not expecting that.  When all you've ever seen are dead ones, their legs are always all folded up and it is very deceiving.  NOT OKAY.

So in the interest of not letting it get away again, I knew my only choice was to step on it, but when this giant thing is charging at you and you only have flip flops on and you are completely losing your mind, IT IS REALLY FREAKING HARD!  Plus, the crunch.  Oh, dear Lord, the crunch.  I just can't even handle it.  So disgusting.  I'm still shuddering.

So I let out a mighty "GAAAAAAAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" AND STEPPED ON THE BLOODY THING.  Welllllllllll...............sort of.  Okay, I'm a complete freaking wuss and I sort of like danced on it while I was jumping around and screaming, but I managed to hit it once and it flipped over on it's back.  VICTORY!!!!............and then it started moving.  "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, God, it's not dead!!!!!!  It's twitching!!!  Ahhhhhh!!!"  (Mind you, I was still on the phone with my mom this whole time, who was trying to coach me and also laughing at me.  A lot.  Thanks for the support, yo.  She would have been up on the chair screaming if it were her, so she can play brave all she wants when she's 2,000 miles away.)

I stood there and watched this horrific beast moving around, twitching it's legs and antennas and I literally didn't know what to do.  Because, for real, how does any one expect me to walk past it to get over to the sink where there is RAID in the cabinet below when walking past it means I will have to be closer than four feet away from this hideous beast?  I mean, how do I know that sucker's not going to flip over and charge me again as soon as I get near it?  As I weighed my options and realized the longer I waited the better chance I had of it flipping back over and charging, I gathered up my courage and finally ran, hurdling over it's horrible body, flung open the cabinet, and grabbed the RAID.  Not wanting to turn my back to it, in case it disappeared again, I spun around and pulled the trigger on the can.  I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed and sprayed and sprayed it but it still kept twitching!!!!  These things are like in-freaking-destructible!!!!  Ugggggghhhhhh.  As my mom assured me with that much poison it was only a matter of time, I just stood there, frozen, and watched while it finally expired.  Holy sigh of relief, Batman.  The villain had been defeated.  And the village rejoiced (or maybe just I did).

But wait, there's more!  You'd think that would mean this story would be over and I could move on with my life, right?  Nope, because NOW THERE'S A GIGANTIC DEAD COCKROACH CORPSE ON THE FLOOR TO DEAL WITH.  My friends, please understand, giant dead cockroach is only slightly less horrific than giant live cockroach.  I am not ashamed to tell you that my vacuum lives in my kitchen for occasions such as these, because (I told you I'm a wimp) I honestly can't bear to pick them up, even with tissues or a dustpan or whatever because I CAN'T HANDLE GETTING THAT CLOSE TO THEM.  DON'T JUDGE.  Actually, judge me all you want, because I promise, if you haven't experienced them, you have no idea.  THEY ARE HORRIBLE.

So I hung up the phone with my mom so I could try to deal with it.  But here's the thing...okay, I know was being totally irrational, but I could not 100% convince myself that it was actually 100% dead, so I didn't want to vacuum this one up because I also wasn't 100% sure that if it were faking somehow it couldn't just climb back out of my vacuum.  I KNOW, YOU GUYS.  I TOLD YOU I WAS BEING IRRATIONAL.  But it was SCARY.  Even after I tried to nudge it a little and it didn't twitch anymore, I knew I couldn't handle having it in my house anymore, even just in the vacuum.

I weighed my options again, and I looked over at the giant paper towel roll on the counter.  I unrolled about 5,000 paper towels until I had a nice big wad and walked toward the corpse.  I thought about putting the paper towel wad over it and stepping on it again for good measure, but then my rational brain started coming back a little and realized I was being a little ridiculous.  So I took a big deep breath, wadded up those paper towels in my hand so that the nasty beast would be as far away from my actual hand as possible, and in about one tenth of a second, grabbed the body and threw the whole thing in the box, grabbed the entire box, and sprinted to the dumpster as fast as I could.

And that, my friends, is the story of my first (live) North Carolina cockroach.  NO THANK YOU.

THE END.

Technology is SO cool.

Check this out!!  Technology is soooooo cool.  When we were having a little IV insertion refresher class, they showed us the latest technology they have--a vein finder!  It's this little device that shines a special light on your skin to help the health care folks find your veins so if you need an IV and you're one of those people who they call a "tough stick" because it's hard to find your veins, this makes it lots easier!  Even cooler is how it was developed--workers at concert venues noticed when they were using scanners to scan people's tickets, they could see their veins.  So they tweaked the technology a little, and voila!  SO COOL.

Vein finder--soooooo awesome!

And my three good things for the day:

1.  I watched Dr. Maya Angelou's memorial service this morning.  She is one of my heroes, and it was a beautiful tribute to a phenomenal woman, and a testament to the way we should all be living our lives.  Be the rainbow in someone else's cloud!

2.  It was a nice chill Saturday but I actually got some work done.  Hooray!

3.  I got an unexpected phone call from a friend today, and we had a lovely little chat.  Yay!

Good Things, for a change.

The lovely woman who taught my mental health class last semester filled me in on a practice that is supposed to relieve stress and anxiety and help to focus on gratitude and positive thinking.  Basically, every single night, the last thing before you go to bed, you're supposed to write down three good things that happened/came from that day, it doesn't have to be long, just a sentence (but these will be a bit longer).  So here are a few good things from this week:

My friend Kristen and I had the privilege and honor of spending a lovely afternoon with a former Dean of Duke's School of Nursing.  She is 83 and had a stroke about 6 weeks ago, but she is still sharp as a tack and even though we had a mission to help her with a few specific things, it ended up being a really wonderful experience.  So much so that we're going back again next week.  She is a major force in the nursing world, not just at Duke but around the world, and I don't think many students get the opportunity to know her and spend time with her.  The American Academy of Nursing named her a "Living Legend."  I feel pretty lucky to have been specifically asked to spend some time with her.  

One of my most favorite professors has asked me specifically to work with her on some research she's doing, which is a huge, huge honor.  She is a brilliant, incredible woman, and I feel really lucky that I developed such an awesome relationship with her last semester and it has continued into this semester.  I saw her a few days ago and she gave me the best pep talk.  I know she is going to be a mentor and a friend for a long, long time. 

I got to spend time last Saturday volunteering with another of my favorite professors at the Special Olympics Powerlifting competition.  First of all, who knew Special Olympics HAD a Powerlifting competition????  It was incredible.  And a huge inspiration, as always.  As an added bonus, I got to spend the afternoon getting to know this awesome woman better, and as a real person outside of school--she is HILARIOUS and SO encouraging, with the BEST advice--and I got to hang out with an alumna of our program who is also pretty incredible.  It was a fantastic day.

I have been RIDICULOUSLY productive this week.  It took a minor miracle to get everything accomplished this week, but I managed it.  Now onto the next!

Three good things of today:

I got great comments on a presentation I gave today.

I came home to the most lovely email tonight.  It made me cry, in the best way.

I got to watch a real life miracle today.  It was awesome.

So there are my three good things.  :)

Disappointment, Exhaustion...and Encouragement.

Sooooooo....this turned into sort of a venting post....fair warning.

When I started nursing school, there were three tracks we could choose from: medical Spanish, research, and genetics/genomics.  I have always wanted to learn Spanish, so I decided to go for it.  As German and Sign Language are the only languages I've ever taken, I asked to be placed in the baby beginner Spanish class.  First semester it was fantastic.  Our teacher was fun and supportive and she definitely knew where we stood as BEGINNERS.  Second semester it all changed.  Several of the students who were in our class graduated, and suddenly our class was too small to run (they require six students to run a class and we had five), so they merged our class with the intermediate class.  Intermediate is a bit of a misnomer, though, as most of those students have taken at least 5+ years of Spanish, and there were at least twice as many of them.  (The advanced class is full of fluent speakers, so intermediate is really advanced, just not fluent.)  Our teacher was still the same wonderful woman, but now she taught the entire class in Spanish.  Rapid-fire Spanish with a thick Chilean accent.  I usually do a pretty good job of understanding Spanish, but as one of only two students who had never taken Spanish before this, I was drowning.

I've never been a quitter, so I desperately tried to stick it out, growing more and more frustrated each week as the semester wore on.  After several weeks in a row of spending the entire 90 minute class utterly lost and leaving in tears, I knew it was time to do something about it.  After a long, crazy, drawn-out process, I was finally able to switch tracks (which they told us from the beginning would be very difficult once we started the program).  My dear friend, Nick, who is still in Spanish, assures me I made the right decision.  (He says I would be miserable in there this semester.)  Which brings us to today.

Switching tracks means that I am both behind and ahead in the program up to this point.  Ahead because my extra elective class is already finished since Spanish counts (yay!), and in fact, I will graduate with more credits than I need.  Behind because everyone else in the program took a class last semester that I did not take (the Spanish track folks take that class this semester).  Basically what that means is that I have more credits this semester than anyone else, and since it's our short semester, it's extra accelerated.  Yay.  :/  I knowingly did this to myself, but holy moly, I had no idea how intense it was going to be.  

Just this week, I had to write FIVE papers that each required a literature search.  If you've ever taken a college-level research class, you know that lit searches can be time-intensive and cumbersome.  These were no exception.  Seriously all I do right now is write papers.  It's totally crazy.  Thank goodness I have a fair amount of skill in writing papers, because otherwise this would be TROUBLE.  Everyone told us that last semester was the crazy hard one and our third semester would be a piece of cake, and super fun to boot.  They were LYING.  There is SO much work to do, it's out of control.  And exhausting.

The hardest part so far, though, has been the surprise and disappointment I've had with one class in particular.  Anyone who knows me knows I've ALWAYS loved babies.  Ever since I was a baby myself, I've loved babies.  I also had the privilege and honor of witnessing my sweet baby nephew's birth, and it was truly an incredible experience.  I thought I might be interested in being a maternity nurse/nurse midwife.  This semester is leading me to believe that is probably not my calling, which is highly disappointing.  My maternity class has actually been pretty interesting, although a ton of work.    It's the rest of the experience that's been hard, and the disappointment of it has been hard to get over.  I'm trying, though.  As my best friend pointed out to me the other night, loving BABIES doesn't have to mean loving working with their "hormonal, grumpy moms."  Haha.  Who knows, maybe someday in a different location I'll feel differently, but for now, unless the next few weeks picks up, I think it's getting crossed off the list.  Oh well.  Also I had the strange and uncomfortable experience of being bullied today--I am way too old for that kind of crap.  And that kind of stuff stays with me for way too long.  Darn that sensitive heart of mine.  :/  

Anyway (despite an actually pretty great morning), needless to say I came home pretty discouraged tonight after a very long day, only to find one of the most lovely and encouraging, supportive emails I've ever received in my inbox from one of my favorite professors.  It was unexpected and I will admit I cried...both times I read it.  And then I remembered that I AM cut out for this and I WILL make it through this and I DO really love it, even when it's hard.

And since my last couple posts have seemed rather overwhelmed and not overly positive, I will also tell you that I ran into another of my very favorite professors the other day, who I completely adore, and she also gave me the best pep talk.  I have had some really awesome things going on lately, and I just have to remember that through the haze of stress and never-ending work.  Both of these incredible mentors of mine also reminded me that I only have to make it through a few more weeks of this craziness and then it's on to pediatrics, which I already know I'm going to love.  Can't wait.

Cheers to tomorrow being a new day, taking deep breaths, making the most out of hard situations, and remembering all the time I love this beautiful place in life I'm in right now.

One Day at a Time

This weekend it hit me that I am far, far away from home.  That doesn't happen often since I'm pretty used to being away from home, but the East Coast is far away and in a totally different time zone than most people I know.  I guess by "home," I don't even really mean a particular place, I just mean everyone I know and love is far away.  While everyone was posting photos of their cute families and barbecues and all the fun things they were doing, I was hanging out at my house being overwhelmed by the crazy workload I have this summer and thinking about how I really SHOULD be writing a paper of some sort.  It also just hit me that my sweet puppy really does live in Utah for awhile.  She is at Doggy Disneyland (aka, my folks' house) for the summer since I'll be headed to Africa in August; plus, with two long clinical days and two long class days every week, it was just a lot to ask of her to be crated for that many hours, so she's living the high life in Utah.  She's loving it, but I'm not such a fan.  She's been my little buddy for almost five years now, and it's weird not having her around.  :(

Beginning new semesters always overwhelms me a little.  Okay, maybe a lot.  I think it's because we spend the first week or so going through syllabi and being told in depth about every assignment we will have to do over the next 11 weeks.  The ten exams, many, many quizzes, projects, discussion board posts, and the gajillion papers I have to write hit me all at once and I'm just knocked for a loop for a minute.  I think it's also the moment when I realize how much I truly do NOT know yet and there's a finite amount of time in which it all must be crammed in my head and hope it stays there.  It's kind of hilarious, because last semester was the semester that everyone warned us about and I did just fine--unlike most people, I LOVED it--but I remember having this overwhelmed feeling at the beginning of January, too.  This, too, shall pass.  

Okay, pity party over.  Tomorrow is a new day and I have big plans to get lots done.  I just want to be clear--I LOVE North Carolina.  I love being a student, I love nursing, I love pursuing this new career in health care, I love the people I get to interact with on a regular basis, and I am shocked every day by how much I LOVE Duke.  I feel like North Carolina is "home" more than I ever felt Portland was "home."  I miss my friends and family like CRAZY, but otherwise North Carolina is a fantastic place for me to be (so if ya'll could just move here, it would be perfect).  I couldn't possibly have made a better decision for myself.  I'm already over halfway finished with this program and thinking about what's next...isn't that wild?  Time flies when you're having fun.  :)

Anyway, a lot of the new(er) cohort has been asking me how to survive THEIR second semester, and I just keep telling them to take it one day at a time, one week at time.  Time to start following my own advice.

One day at a time.

#Nursingschool

Well, hello!! I'm sure no one reads this anymore since I have effectively dropped off the face of the earth, but since I'm trapped on a plane with wifi for another hour or so, I thought I'd actually write a quick post.

I just finished the toughest academic semester of my life. No joke, this is degree #4, and even when I did my Masters degree, when I was doing a 2 - 2 1/2 year program in a year and working three jobs, I've never worked so hard or been so busy in my life. I've said it before and I'll say it again--when they said this was an accelerated program, they weren't messing around!!! And it's Duke, which means it's super academically rigorous on top of being fast. But want to know a secret? I LOVE it.

To give you an idea of what my schedule has been like the last few months, here's an average week for you:

Mondays were my clinical days, so I left my house at 6 AM, worked 13 hours at the hospital, and made it home about 8. Tuesdays when I didn't have random class obligations, my study partner and I would meet at school around 8ish, study until our review session at 4, go to a review, go to our a Cappella choir rehearsal, and head home around 6:30. If we had a test that week (which was the case most weeks), we'd grab dinner, let our dogs out, and meet back for a few more hours of studying. Wednesday was another all day study day. Thursdays we had class from 8-4:30. If we had Friday exams, it was back to studying after dinner. Fridays we had class from 8-2:30. Depending on the week, Friday afternoons were more studying, random paperwork, errands, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc. Then Saturdays and Sundays were usually all day study days. Somewhere in there I also tutored a student behind me and took on a couple leadership positions in different organizations. Insane!!

Since I started the program, they've been warning us that second semester was the hardest, we just needed to survive it and pass, and don't worry about grades. Well, I guess my hard work paid off, because I got a 4.0!!!! I promise I've never worked so hard for anything in my life!! Totally worth it. My professors are incredible and I learned SO much this semester. It was stressful and exhausting and totally fantastic. We all are still totally blown away by how much we know that we didn't know eight months ago. Unbelievable.

Anyway, if you haven't heard from me or I've taken forever to respond to your emails or I've just been a crappy friend in general, that's why. I wish I could promise that it will get better, but I have an insane, 18-credit, 2 clinical summer ahead, followed up with a 16-day clinical rotation in Africa!! So, know that I'm always thinking of you all, and I'm so grateful for your support and love, even if I've been MIA. I'm halfway done!! Next week I start helping deliver babies... :) Can't wait!

Cheers to a wonderful summer, everyone, and if you're not afraid of the humidity and want to check out beautiful North Carolina, my spare room is always open!

Loves!

Jen

Greetings from North Carolina!! :)

Hello, lovely friends and family members!

Some of you may have seen this in a mass email, but I thought I'd post it here, too (with minor edits), in case I'm missing any one's email address.  A number of people have been asking if I'm alive and where I live and other assorted questions, and since time is at a premium these days, I thought I'd just get the info out in one fell swoop.  I also think I have old emails for a bunch of people, so if you have a better email to reach you, please let me know.  :)  And I am sure I missed people, so you can feel free to pass this along if there's someone you think would want to hear from me.  :)

So, greetings from North Cackalacky..ahem...North Carolina!

The South is lovely this time of year, especially if you love 90+ degree temps and 80%+ humidity!  Haha, don't worry, the giant bugs make up for any kind of less than desirable weather.  Kidding, kidding.  North Carolina is GREAT!  The only totally scary bug I've seen is a house centipede (dare you to google it!) in my kitchen.  Otherwise, thanks to extermination on my second day of orientation, my puppy Allee and I are thankfully so far the only ones who live in my apartment.  And with the exception of a few hot and humid days, the weather has been surprisingly mild and much like a lovely Pacific Northwest summer since I arrived.

Despite a bit of a rocky start with my living situation, I am now happily getting settled in my lovely TWO bedroom townhouse apartment (did you notice I said TWO bedrooms?  And I didn't mention a roommate?  That's right, friends, I have a place for you to stay, so you should all start planning your trips to North Carolina now!).  Allee has made a million friends with all the kiddos who live in the neighborhood, and they come over frequently to ask if she can come out and play.  She's doing better than I am in that arena, because they couldn't care less if I can come out and play!  ;)  Which is good, because I am way too busy for that anyway.  

Speaking of busy, school is off to a lightening speed start.  Holy moly, they aren't messing around with this accelerated program business.  We are almost finished with the third week of classes and we already had our first pathophysiology test on Tuesday (which I survived and did NOT fail, thank you very much!) and our next test is coming up on Monday.  But here's the craziest thing--I go to DUKE, you guys!!!  Seriously, I still can't quite believe it.  But as I spend all my time in basically two buildings on campus, plus the hospital, it might take awhile to sink in.  The faculty are INCREDIBLE.  They are some of the kindest, most brilliant people I have ever met, and even though my Gonzaga friends will never believe it, the vibe at Duke is much more Gonzaga-like than I ever could have imagined.  Everyone is incredibly supportive and the faculty are like cheerleaders in their enthusiasm and desire for us to succeed.  It's awesome.  I am surrounded by brilliant and talented people all day every day, which is both amazing and exciting...and sometimes slightly exhausting (but in a good way).  My cohort is made of people from literally all over the country and all over the world (no joke, China, Tanzania, Jamaica, Ethiopia...just to name a few), all ages and shapes and sizes and colors and ethnicities...it's really exciting.  I love being surrounded by this much diversity!  And my new bit of excitement is that there is an a cappella group at the nursing school and I am TOTALLY joining it and I can't wait.  :)

Anyway, I really have to get back to studying, so I will wrap this up, but just wanted to say hi, and thank you so, so, soooooo much for all your amazing love and support.  My phone number is staying the same as always, and in case any of you are inclined to drop me a line or send me some love (which I would NEVER say no to, especially since I have once again joined the ranks of poor, starving college student) and want my address, let me know (I never turn down a good care package).

Please stay in touch, and feel free to drop me a line or give me a call anytime!  Love you guys and miss you all!  And always remember...the BEST is yet to come!

Loves!

Jen

I'm Baaaaa-aaaaaack!

I know, I know, I haven't posted in forever.  My life went BANANAS these last few months, so hopefully ya'll can forgive me.  :)  (See, I said "ya'll"--I'm catching on to this North Carolina thing!)

My last few months were seriously really crazy.  I had to finish up my last prereq--Intro to Sociology.  Okay, so I know a lot of friends who have been sociology majors who are brilliant and amazing people who worked hard to get through difficult soc classes, but I have to be honest--this was the easiest class I've ever taken in my whole life.  I literally did less than no work for it--and I wrote like three papers, so what does that tell you?  It was a little bit time consuming but a piece of cake, and I easily slid by with an A.  Sweet.

The pre-registration requirements for Duke were CRAZY!!  We had SOOOOOO many hoops to jump through before we could even register for classes that it was like a full-time job all by itself.  Crazy.  Drug testing, background checking, fingerprint taking, shot getting, paperwork filling...you can't even believe how many steps there were!  But I must have gotten through it, because here I sit in North Carolina!

So my last few months in Portland were filled with lots of work, preparations, hanging out with my beautiful sister and this darling kiddo:

Ohhhhhh, how I love my sweet nephew!

and just getting ready to head off on my new adventure.

My last few weeks of work were pretty rough...my supervisor basically stopped talking to me after I gave my notice, and just in general things happened that made my life pretty hard, but the good news was that it was great confirmation I made the right decision.  And my boss and a few of my coworkers were overwhelmingly supportive (Jordan!  Lucy!  Gail!) and wonderful, so that mostly made up for the rest of the crap.  Plus my school was INCREDIBLE!  They were really the most supportive people I could have asked for in this whole thing.  My principal even had me come up at the end-of-the-year faculty/staff brunch, said a whole bunch of incredibly kind and wonderful things about me, told me how much they would miss me, and announced to everyone that I would be headed to Duke.  It was hilarious--you could hear an audible gasp, then everyone started clapping.  They are seriously the BEST.  I am going to miss them like crazy.  The Vice Principal (who has become a dear friend), Cyndi, literally cried when I said goodbye.  I have been incredible lucky to work with some truly wonderful people there over the last few years.

So two weeks after giving my notice, my sister and brother-in-law and my mom and I packed up all my stuff, and my mom and Allee and I set out on this epic cross-country road trip.  Literally over 3,000 miles of craziness.  It was actually pretty great, and included a lovely afternoon with a bunch of my best girlfriends from high school (Audri! Val! Amber! Renee!  Love you girls!), a couple days at home with a great day on my parents' boat at Flaming Gorge, snuggles with my darling goddaughter in Denver and late night visits with my bestie, Janna, a loooooooooong day across Kansas and Missouri (holy humidity and heat, Batman!), my first introduction to the hum of the cicadas, a stop at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, lunch with one of my favorite Gonzaga lovelies, Colleen, somewhere in Tennessee, a gorgeous drive through Great Smoky Mountains National Park and a foggy drive down the Blue Ridge Parkway, and finally we arrived in Durham.  We took a bunch of photos for my dear friend Aaron's wife, Liz, who is fighting breast cancer, with her "Team Liz" logo sign along the way, which made for some quick, fun stops.  I wish we'd had time to stop and do a few more things, but we had to meet my stuff which was supposed to be arriving in Durham ahead of us.

Once we got here it was a little bit of an adventure.  It turned out my stuff was not actually going to make it to Durham for a few more days (UGH!), the apartment I had reserved was NOT what they said it was and was actually pretty scary, and my mom and I had to figure out a way to track down her CPAP machine, which my dad had mailed since she forgot it in Utah (fun, right?).  We also had to find another place for me to live with zero notice because I got a pretty skeevy feeling about the first place and refused to sign a lease on a place I didn't feel safe.  So it was an exhausting and stressful few hours trying to sort that all out, but it worked out in the end.  Luckily I had thought ahead enough to pack my air mattress and pump in my car instead of in the moving pods, so we actually had a place to sleep, and we literally camped in my apartment for about four days while we waited for my stuff to arrive.  It was made even better because the air conditioner didn't work and the North Carolina summer was in fullllllll swing.  Luckily that got sorted out eventually so we didn't just melt into humidity puddles.

Anyway, there's the story of how I made it out of Portland, across the USA, and landed in Durham, NC.  Yippee!

Senioritis...again.

I have it.  Senioritis.  (Or, as my parents like to call it, "short timer's.")  I have ZERO motivation to do anything these days.  I'm caught in this weird limbo land where I'm very comfortable here and not looking forward to leaving my sweet sister and awesome brother-in-law and darling nephew and all my friends, so I want time to go really slowly for the next 7-8 weeks.  But I also just want to fast forward and be in North Carolina and get started on my program so all this really stressful stuff is behind me.  It's a hard place to be.  But I think you learn the most when you're uncomfortable, so I guess this limbo land is good for me.  Thank heavens there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

This is the last week of my final prereq class, and I cannot wait for it to be over!  I have three papers due by the end of the week (well, 2 papers and a discussion post), and while I would love to say I'm totally on top of it and they are done (one out of three isn't bad for Monday, right?), they are just hanging over my head.  God bless anyone who majored in sociology, because from my (extremely limited) standpoint, it is just a ton of busywork.  No thank you.  I can't complain too much because I have SKATED through this term, and I have literally only missed two points in the whole class thus far, so I think I'll be okay.  But Friday will be a welcome relief.

Then I just have the last few weeks of work, including giving my notice (which has been a whole different can of worms), packing up my stuff and figuring out how to get it to NC (it's looking like U-Pack/ABF is definitely the best bet, thanks to everyone who gave me suggestions, especially Raquel), saying goodbye to everyone, finding a place to live, figuring out financial aid, and tying up loose ends. You know.  No biggie, right?  Eeeek.

But right now my main focus is trying to trudge through this senioritis feeling to make it through the next few weeks of work and finish my class without going totally crazy.  Luckily I have a cute baby to love on and a huge adventure to look forward to in the meantime.

DRUMROLL...........

Okay, okay, I have been needing to post this for a few weeks (school and work and funerals and unexpected trips and snuggling with my sweet baby nephew have all led me to greatly neglect my blog).

Remember in my last update post about school I said unless something crazy happened, I'd be moving to Richmond to go to VCU?

Well, something crazy happened.







All the information is finally in and I have made a decision about the next two years of my life.







Are you ready?







Drumroll, please.....................








This summer I will be moving to...........................









NORTH CAROLINA!!!!!!!

Durham, to be exact.  :)  I have officially accepted my offer of admission at Duke University, so continuing in my tradition of attending great basketball schools, starting this fall I will be joining the Blue Devils!  I've also withdrawn my applications at all my other schools and declined all my other offers of admission, so this is it!  It is crazy and SOOOOOOOO overwhelming, but I'm REALLY excited about it!  I went down in March to interview and it is GORGEOUS down there, the campus is incredible, the program is fantastic, the people are wonderful, and I definitely felt like it was the right place for me.  Despite being totally overwhelmed, I know this is the right decision.  I asked God to make it really clear to me when I visited my top 2 where I was supposed to go, and He definitely did.  Duke it is.  :)

Orientation starts August 20th, so I have a few more months to snuggle my sweet nephew and figure out how I'm going to get everything I own all the way to the other coast (any suggestions? Preferably ones that don't cost a million dollars?).  These next few months will be an adventure!

I need to work as long as I can, which means I'm holding off on letting my employer know until I know for sure when I'm leaving and I'm ready to tell them, so I won't be making any big, public announcement on Facebook or anywhere else just yet.  For now it's still kinda quiet, but I'm excited and I wanted to let my handful of friends who read this in on the news in case you haven't already heard!

Thanks for all your support and love throughout this crazy process the last several months.  I know I will continue to rely on my friends and family for the next year and a half while I go through this crazy, intense program--couldn't do it without you guys.  Thank you for your kind words and encouragement when I get overwhelmed, for being my cheerleaders, and for helping me get through all the stress and ups and downs of it all.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

So, who's coming to visit?  :)

Storming Heaven

Friends, I have many posts forthcoming, with news to share, babies to show, and stories to tell.  But tonight I just have a request.

I've been sitting here, way past my bedtime, trying to figure out how you're supposed to go to sleep when your friend is dying.  Because that's the situation many dear friends and I are facing.

Mike and his beloved dachshund, Luigi 

My dear friend Mike Harry has cancer.  He's had cancer on and off for a long time--over a decade--and suddenly, somehow it feels like it snuck up on us.  I think it hit us all like a ton of bricks last weekend when we got the word from his mom that chemo just isn't working anymore and the doctors have done all they can do.  Mike is one of the best people I know.  Despite EVERYTHING, he always has a smile on his face.  He's been through brain tumors (yes, with an S--more than one), esophageal cancer, cancer cells around his heart and in his lymph nodes, and much, much more, and yet he never fails to try to brighten the day of everyone he encounters.  The first time I met Mike, I was interviewing him for a job, and I thought to myself, either this guy is faking it, or he is extraordinary.  And the truth is, he is extraordinary.  He really is something special--I have never met anyone else like him.  Nearly everyone who knows him would tell you of his bone-crushing hugs--the patented Mike Harry move.  I have experienced many of these myself.  Whenever you greeted Mike, he would immediately get a huge grin on his face and a twinkle in his eye and proceed to lift you off the ground, pop every vertebrae in your back, and put you down with a laugh.  I tell you what, after a Mike Harry hug, you KNOW you are loved.  No doubt about it.

My whole family got to experience Mike once, around Thanksgiving, when he was going through a really tough time.  And even though he was struggling that weekend, my family loved him so much they still ask me about him from time to time.  I wish I had better news.

Mike's been through so much, but he's still so full of faith and hope and optimism.  I wish you all knew him and you could see it.  It is beautiful.  And for those of us who love him, it is also heartbreaking.  Devastating.  He is 30 years old.  People are not supposed to have to deal with stuff like this when they are just 30 years old.  He's been married for 2 1/2 years, and his wife is remarkable.  When they refer to someone as a rock, Rhiannon is it.

Mike and Rhiannon Harry

So my request tonight is simple.  Please storm the heavens for this truly incredible man and his amazing wife.  Obviously we are all begging God for a miracle where science has failed, but barring that, please pray for strength and comfort and peace and hope and HEALING for this one-in-a-billion guy.  Pray that he will not suffer or be in pain.  Mike knows--we all know--whatever happens, the BEST is yet to come.  Please pray for Mike.

Thanks, friends.  I love you.

Overwhelmed, Much?

Holy moly, am I EVER overwhelmed!

I know big life changes are always full of hard and overwhelming decisions, but SHEESH!  It's so hard because every single school is on a totally different timeline, they all require confirmation before I've heard from the next one, etc., etc.  I have a hard time making decisions until I have all the information, so this is majorly overwhelming to me.

I sent my deposit in to Maine in December because I had NO idea if I would get accepted anywhere else, and I figured even if I had to forfeit it, at least I knew for sure I had a spot somewhere.  I still haven't heard anything from NY, but supposedly I should hear by Feb. 15.  However, VCU's deposit (which is 2.5x more than Maine's was) is due Feb. 15.  So then there's Duke...

Duke is the only program I applied to that doesn't start until August.  This is a major check in the "con" category on my pro's and con's list, just because I would like to get started soon, and the other programs start in May.  However, the closer my sister gets to having my sweet little nephew, the more I think that starting a few months later might actually be a "pro."  A few more months to hang out with the little guy would not break my heart.  Duke is more expensive than the others, but it's also ranked a lot higher (#7 in the country for nursing), and it's the only school I've applied to that offers complete tuition reimbursement if you work in their hospital for 3 years post-graduation.  They also offer quite a few more scholarship opportunities than the others.

Anyway, I was originally told I wouldn't even hear if I got an interview with Duke until the end of February, so I had kind of just ruled it out and decided I would go to VCU.  Then today I got the email (a full month earlier than expected) that I have been invited to come to North Carolina to interview (by the way, THIS IS SO EXCITING!).  So now I have this total conundrum.  The interviews are at the end of February/early March, so I won't know until probably mid-March if I'm accepted or not.

HOLY MOLY.

So if you have any advice or prayers to spare, I could use them.  I know that none of these decisions will be the wrong decision.  It's just a lot to figure out right now.  In the meantime, does anyone know anything about Raleigh/Durham, NC, or Richmond, VA?

Exciting News, Part 2.

I have had a crazy week at work (yes, I realize it's only Wednesday), so a bit of good news in the midst of it was definitely welcome!

I got accepted to VCU yesterday!!!!!! I'm suuuuuuuuuuper excited about it because this is a really fantastic program. Yayyyyyyyy! So here's the update so far:

*University of Southern Maine--accepted and confirmed.
*Virginia Commonwealth University--accepted.
*Binghamton University (NY)--waiting. Should know by Feb. 15.
*Duke University (NC)--waiting. Should know more by the end of Feb.

I have to confirm my acceptance (i.e., pay the deposit) at VCU by 2/15, so unless something crazy happens in the next week or two, whether I've heard from the other two or not, I'm thinking I'm probably moving to Richmond, VA. CRAZY. I will keep you posted (and am still definitely considering the other two), but looks like I may become a Southern belle. :)

My best friends are amazing.  When I told them about Maine, their first words were, "Girls' Weekend in Maine?"  When I talked to them yesterday, it was, "So, Girls' Weekend in DC?"  Love these girls!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Everyone!

I am soooooooo excited that it is 2013!!!  They say 13 is a lucky number, and I'm definitely hoping this year it proves to be lucky for me.

By the end of January I should have answers from 3 out of 4 schools I applied to for Nursing School.  By the end of February I should know more about the 4th.  In February my sister will have her baby and I will get to be an Auntie!!!!  Sometime between April and August I'll be moving to the East Coast for Nursing School.  This is already a crazy year, and it's only Day 1!

Working in a school, things were pretty intense that last week before Christmas break after the Newtown shooting, and it will be interesting to see how things go when we get back to school next week.  I am a pretty sensitive, sentimental person, and that whole thing hit me pretty hard.  I have to admit those events tempered my holiday season in many ways, and have also flavored the things I'm thinking about entering into this New Year.  

So this year, I choose to be more patient and kind.  To be courageous.  To listen to my heart, to pray more, and to listen to the still, small voice as I make big life changes and decisions.  To stay in touch with the people I love and to let them know I love and appreciate them as often as possible.  To work hard and play harder.  To do fun things.  To listen and learn and stay caught up.  To make plans with friends and to accept invitations whenever possible.  To be healthy and active.  To sparkle more. 

Cheers to an amazing 2013!  Happy New Year!

2012: Year in Review

2012 was a pretty eventful year!  Just as a reminder for myself, in the future, here are a few of the highs and lows of 2012:

January: Started the New Year in Vernal with my awesome parents; had dinner with my mom and Audri on my way out of SLC; first started talking with Clay; helped with my 5th Young Adult Retreat.

February: Testified before a State Senate Committee about education funding; was officially recognized at the Oregon City School Board meeting by my awesome principal; went on a couple dates with Reg.

March: Went on my first date with Clay; was invited to be the Women's Session Speaker at RISE UP! Rally in Portland; started dating Clay; Grandma Margie passed away.

April: Made an unexpected trip to Montana (20+ hours in the car with Amy and Ster and two dogs in four days), stayed with our hilarious Grandma Laverne, met some cousins for the first time, and played and sang at the funeral; spent Easter at Debbie and Dave's in Seattle with Amy, Sterling, and Clay; through the generosity of my incredible friends, I got to fly to SLC to spend a fabulous (albeit quick) weekend with my girlfriends to attend Val's baby shower for baby Alissa.

May: Decided to move from my apartment closer to Amy and Ster and found a new apartment; coordinated amazing "Finding Kind" event; finished out another school year at work.

June: Got strep throat for the first time since 7th grade; celebrated Ster's birthday; moved to my new apartment (with Amy and Ster's help); Celeste moved away; spent some time helping a friend; my mom visited and we bought my new couches; found out I will become an auntie next year!!!!!!!

July: Met Jill and Jeremy's baby for the first time on the 4th of July; broke up with Clay; went to "Jersey Boys" with Amy and Sterling and Caitlin for my birthday; went camping with Amy and Ster in Central Oregon (I LOVE CAMPING!!); went to Mark and Morgan's wedding in Seattle; had another (out-of-the-blue) date with Reg.

August: Rode my bike 45 miles in one day to complete the Portland Bridge Pedal and rode over all 10 of Portland's major bridges; coordinated and carried out a successful week-long summer camp for 100 at-risk kids with 30 camp staff/volunteers; work frustration led to making some major life decisions; made a last-minute trip to Las Vegas to spend 4 1/2 days with my best friend April and her amazing family (including meeting sweet baby Luke!).

September: Came home from Vegas; officially decided to apply to nursing school; took part in my first "race" when Amy, Ster and I did the Color Run (so fun!); started my Human Development and Stats prereq classes at PCC.

October: Studied.  And worked.  And studied.  And worked.  Applied to the University of Southern Maine, celebrated Amy's birthday; spent a weekend in Seattle for Chelsea's baby shower.  And studied and worked some more.

November: Applied to Virginia Commonwealth University and Binghamton University; spent Thanksgiving in Seattle with Kim and Aunt Marie Ann, Michaela and her boyfriend, Eric, Chad and Jayme, and Debbie and Dave (plus FOUR dogs, and Allee got a black eye).

December: Applied to Duke University; spent four glorious days basking in the sun in Phoenix, Arizona, with my best friend from college, Debi, and her beautiful, amazing family (including meeting sweet baby Alexandre!); dealt with the news of two shootings (one in a local mall and one in a school in CT) that hit me really hard; somehow pulled A's in both my classes; got accepted to USM; worked with a lot of crazy, interesting, difficult kiddos; my folks visited for a week and a half; and we rang in 2013 with champagne, shrimp, and Settlers of Catan.  :)

***********************************

Wow, apparently I actually did quite a bit of traveling, saw a lot of friends and family, and had a pretty eventful (often wonderful but sometimes VERY difficult) year!  But I'm glad to say goodbye to 2012, because I know 2013 has a lot of amazing things in store already.

My Stats "Miracle"

I said it would be a Christmas miracle, and while I don't want to throw that term around lightly these days, I do want to say that a minor miracle HAS occurred--I GOT AN "A" IN STATS.  Seriously, I have no idea how, but it's on my official transcript so I am not complaining!!!  This is AWESOME news, because this will only help all my pending applications.  Hooray!

When I was talking to my mom the other night (I called them as soon as I saw the grades posted), she said, "Isn't it awesome that your perfectly executed plan is falling right into place?"  And I said, "Mom, I think that's how it works when it's the right thing.  When you're doing what you're supposed to do, it DOES fall into place and it IS easy."  And I think that's the truth.

So, apparently praying my guts out about what is "right" for me seems to have worked, because so far things are falling nicely into place, and it's kind of amazing.  In a season when Christmas miracles are seeming a little bit hard to find, I will cling to any I can find, even if they are just as little as an A in Stats.  Here's hoping we all find a few more miracles, big and small, over this next week.  I think our country needs them.