"Campy" Strikes Out

*Note: See "Adventures in Dating, Part 3" to get the first half of this story.*

The next day (Friday of Halloween weekend), I was teaching a class at a local middle school when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I ignored it, and when I looked a few minutes later, I saw it was a number I didn't know. An hour or so later, I got a text message from the same number. When I finally had a break, I looked at it: "Hi this is "Campy." Would you like to go out this weekend?" The voice mail said basically the same thing.

So, today we'll keep track of strikes. Strike 1: Ummm...wow. Less than 24 hours later, 2 messages already? That's a little intense.

Having already booked my weekend solid with plans, I figured I would just get back to him on Monday. I mean, he couldn't really think I'd be available that very next weekend, right? Over the weekend I got an email from him that said something like:

Hi Jen.

I really enjoyed meeting you the other night. Would you like to go out sometime?

"Campy"

Pretty innocuous. When I got ANOTHER text on Monday saying the same thing, I thought I'd throw the kid a bone. I texted him back saying, "Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. Thanks for getting ahold of me. Sure, maybe we can get together sometime."

Almost immediately I got a text back:

Would you like to go on a short trip to Seaside with me on Saturday?

Ohhhhhhh, geez. We all remember how well it went the last time a boy asked me to go to Seaside on a date. We are NOT repeating that again!

Strike 2: Seaside? REALLY? That's WAY too much for a first date. No thanks. I would NOT, in fact, like to go to Seaside on Saturday with you.

This was followed almost immediately by a second text:

I think it takes more than just a few hours to get to know someone.

And then a third:

Or we could just do dinner. That would be okay, too. I don't want to scare you off.

Ummmm...can you say adequately done?

So, again, because I have a problem with being too nice, even though I really wasn't interested in him, I texted him back, telling him I really couldn't do a whole day, but I could do dinner. A few texts later, we established that the following Saturday night we would have dinner.

At this point, I knew the following things about "Campy": He is Asian, born in Hong Kong, moved here when he was 17 and has been here over 20 years, software engineer, likes to snowboard.

Strike 3: Too old for me.

Being Asian isn't necessarily a strike, but I will admit that Asian guys have never really been "my type." I'm not opposed to dating someone not my type, but I've never really been attracted to an Asian guy. Possibly one of the reasons I already knew I wasn't really attracted to him.

He texted me several more times over the course of the week, changing the location, clarifying the time, etc. He asked me a couple times if he could pick me up. I made up some vague excuse about having to be somewhere else before that so I would just meet him there. Okay, so I know he was probably trying to be nice, but seriously? I didn't want to be stranded somewhere without my car in case he was a total creep, and I didn't know if he was weird or not--definitely didn't want to be trapped in a car with him, nor did I want him to know where I lived.

So, Saturday night rolled around. He had already texted me to say he was looking forward to that evening (overeager, much?), and I was mostly looking forward to getting through it. I met him at the restaurant (by the way, Restaurant Review: Henry's in Portland is awesome! Great atmosphere, delicious food. Commercial over.) and sat down.

Pretty much right away he asked me what I was doing later. I gave him some vague response about meeting up with my sister, and he told me he was thinking of going to see a movie and asked me if I'd like to join him. I said maybe. (I know was being super non-commital here, but seriously? I needed to know if he was a total creep or if I was in for more hours in awkward-ville before I said I would spend any more time with him.)

Strike 4: Don't ask about the movie 'til the end of dinner. WAAAAAAY overeager.

We ordered and basically right away, he said, "So, how long have you been single?"

Strike 5: Don't ask about dating history first thing on the first date! Holy geez.

He asked me about how long I'd been with my boyfriend, if I'd ever been married, etc. Then he said, "Well, I'm divorced. I told you that, right?"

Ummmm, NO. Didn't mention that. Strike 6. Especially when he went on to explain he's only been divorced for 6 months, and this was after being married for 7 years and knowing her for 5 years before that. Can you say a little soon?

Followed by, "And I have a son. I told you THAT, right?"

How do you "forget" to mention that YOU HAVE A CHILD??? WHO LIVES AT YOUR HOUSE??? Strike 7.

So I now know about his five-year old son. Cool.

We talked for awhile longer, had dinner, and as we were finishing up, he asked again if I'd like to go to a movie. So, again, because I am way too nice for my own good, I agreed to go.

Now, before I go any further, I need to say, to his credit, "Campy" was a total gentleman. He opened doors for me, he paid for dinner and for the movie, he drove us to the theater--he was very, very nice. Just not for me. And did I mention he drove a BMW? (My sister said, "Of course he did. He's Asian. Asians always drive nice cars." Her response was pretty much the same when I said he was a software engineer. Of course he is.) But seriously, not for me.

We saw "Fair Game" (movie review: super excellent movie, true story about the CIA agent whose name was leaked to the press by the White House a few years ago, super intense...NOT a date movie...except in this situation, that was a good thing). As we were leaving the theater, "Campy" looked at me and said, "Whoa...you're really tall. How tall are you?" I told him I was 5'7". He said, "Wow, you must have really tall heels on." I didn't.

So, strike whatever number we're on now. He's short. Not necessarily a HUGE deal breaker (he was probably just a smidge taller than me), but when you make an issue out of it...I'm not that tall, you're just short.

As he was driving me back to my car, he said, "So, do you ever take your dog on a walk?" I was confused, so I said, "Yeah, sometimes, when the weather's nice." He said, "Do you want to take your dog for a walk tomorrow?" My brain was screaming Process, process, process--OH! He wants me to take her for a walk WITH HIM. Got it. I told him for the second time that night that I'd be busy at church helping a friend the next day and it would probably take most of the day (which was true). So he said, "Well, call me tomorrow and maybe we can go to lunch or something.

Another strike. I'm not going out with you tomorrow. Duh.

So he dropped me off at my car, I thanked him, and told him good night. The next day, while I was busy at church, I got a call and a text from him. I was busy and my phone was on silent, so I didn't get them until I got home, but you'd better believe I wasn't going to contact him again that day. Then I went to check my email, and this is what I found:

Hi Jen,

I had fun on our second date. I just want to let you know that I’m looking for long term relationship. I like you; you are very pretty and sweet voice. You are smart and hard working person very focus. I’m not sure if I will win you for another date by telling you how I feel about you.

Thanks

"Campy"

ASIAN DUDE FREAKING WANTS TO MARRY ME!!!! Crap. First of all, is meeting and talking for less than ten minutes really considered a "first date"? Because I would not call that a first date. Second of all, while the email is flattering, and I realize he's Asian and English is not his first language, SERIOUSLY?? He's lived here for over 20 years and HE WENT TO COLLEGE HERE!! A little grammar? Sheesh.

Strike eleventy billion. Aaaaaaaand yooooooooooou're OUTTTTTTT!!!!

I still haven't written him back. What the heck do you say to that? Anyone have any good ideas?