"Lee" Comes to Portland, Final Chapter (Part 4)

This is the final installment of the "Lee" saga. If you want to read the others, go here:

• Adventures in Dating, Part 2
• "Lee" Comes to Portland, Part 1
• "Lee" Comes to Portland, Part 2
• "Lee" Comes to Portland, Part 3

We stopped by my house so I could change out of my skirt. Thankfully the weather was drying up just a bit, so I wasn't quite so annoyed about driving the narrow, windy roads out to the beach in a crazy rainstorm in the rental car. With my CDs in hand (to help with the awkward silence), we headed out.

We listened to the radio until it the station faded out and I sang along the whole time, then I let him deejay--he chose Coldplay. Not exactly upbeat music, but I could still hum or sing along a little bit. Okay, I know that might be kind of weird, but seriously, he wouldn't talk! I didn't know what else to do. I decided to head to Seaside, since it's one of the bigger cities and one most people have heard of. By the time we arrived in Seaside, the weather had mostly cleared up and it was even a bit sunny (still super windy, but that's the Oregon Coast for you). We found a place to park and walked down to the beach.

About this time I sort of started panicking. It suddenly hit me that his insistence on going to the beach was probably another attempt at romance ("Long walks on the beach," anyone?). I was hoping he'd figured out by then that there was ZERO chemistry between us, but alas, I was sadly mistaken.

We walked along the beach for a few minutes while he commented about how amazing the ocean is (this was not the first time he'd ever been to the beach/ocean, just the first time he'd been to the Oregon Coast). He stopped walking and this is when I knew it was going to be trouble. We stood there for a few minutes as he "subtly" sidled up next to me (okay, I'm sure he thought it was subtle). I stood there with my hands in the pockets of my windbreaker, which was buttoned up to my chin to ward off the chilly breeze.

"You know, I'm really glad I came this weekend," Lee started. (Uh-oh, here we go.) "I've had a really good time here. It's just been really nice to hang out with you. And see what your life is like out here." (He probably thinks my life is mostly driving, with long periods of awkward silence and me attempting to make conversation unsuccessfully, if he's basing it on this experience.) "Yeah. It's been good." He then stepped over next to me and SUPER awkwardly extended his arm behind me, rubbed up and down my back a couple times, gave me an awkward side hug, then patted my back and pulled his arm back. Ohhhhhhh, geeeeeeeez. He's trying to put the moves on me at the beach. I wracked my brain for something honest and kind to say, without leading him on. "I'm glad you're having a good time," I replied, probably a little too brightly.

We stood there awkwardly for a few minutes, then I suggested we drive down to Cannon Beach so he could see Haystack Rock (the big famous rock in "The Goonies"), and I started walking back down the beach. We made our way back to the car and headed for Cannon Beach. It took a bit of hiking, but we got down to the beach and walked around for a few minutes. By then it was starting to get late and I didn't want to drive the windy, wet roads in the dark, so we stopped by the candy shop for some saltwater taffy (that's what you buy when you go to the beach!) and headed back.

I wracked my brain on the way back to Portland for something to do that night. I was going to suggest a movie, since it wouldn't matter that he was awkward and not a stellar conversationalist in person. About halfway home, my sister texted me and asked if we wanted to come over that night for a campfire. Hallelujah!! Something to do!!!! I asked him if he would be up for it, and he said sure. We stopped my house to eat our lunch leftovers for dinner and to pick my puppy up so she could come play, too. Then we headed over.

When we got there, Sterling was in the middle of setting up their Wii. I had lent them my copy of "Super Mario Brothers," so Ster started talking video games with "Lee." (Apparently his ONLY experience with video games was a GameBoy that he'd played briefly in middle school. Seriously? I honestly don't know of ANYONE who never played Super Mario Brothers or XBox or MarioKart or SOMETHING at some point when they were kids, especially not a guy!!) They decided to start playing Super Mario, so "Lee" and Ster played and my mom and sister and I just hung out and watched.

Truthfully, I continued to pray the whole evening that he would figure it out for himself so I wouldn't have to hurt him and tell him I wasn't interested in dating him. (I'm not in the business of breaking hearts. Or maybe I just don't like confrontation?) After a few hours of playing Wii, it was time for everyone to get to bed. I drove "Lee" back to his hotel, hoping and praying he wouldn't try to kiss me goodbye (Amy told me I should just let him kiss me and be the worst kisser EVER so he wouldn't want to date me. :) She's funny).

He had made his flight reservation for 6:00 Monday morning, so he had already told me he would just take public transit to the airport so I didn't have to get up at 4 AM to take him (thank goodness for small favors!). As we were pulling into the hotel parking lot, I checked with him to confirm that was still his plan. Then I told him thanks for coming and gave him a hug and he said goodnight and got out of the car. PHEW!! No awkward door scenes to try to avoid or contend with. I got home and said some prayers of thanksgiving that "the talk" didn't happen...and dreaded the fact that we would STILL have to have that talk at some point. Ugh.

The next morning I woke up and was playing on facebook while I dried my hair and got ready for work. I thought about writing a status along the lines of "I'm SO glad it's Monday!" but I didn't want to make him feel bad, so I wanted to exclude him from that status so he wouldn't see it. When I typed his name in the "show everyone except..." box, it didn't pop up. Confused, I typed his name in the search box to pull up his page and (here comes the best part) HE UNFRIENDED ME ON FACEBOOK!!!!!! I mean, seriously? Are you kidding me? What are you? Nine? You freaking unfriended me on FACEBOOK? That is flipping HILARIOUS!!!! No, when I figured it out, I seriously about died. Apparently not allowing him to put the moves on me at the beach must have been what God needed me to do to get him to figure out for himself (because I can't think of what else it might have been!). But geez, kid didn't waste any time, considering he was on a plane by 6 AM and this was probably 7 AM that I realized it! HOLY COW. So, the hilarious and ridiculous end to this story is that he ended the weekend by unfriending me on facebook and I haven't talked to him since. C'est la vie.

*Post note: Because I am a nice girl, I DID text him to thank him for coming and tell him I hope he made it home safely. I got a one-word text back: "Thanks." Whatever dude.

My mom and I both think he probably has Asperger's (an Autism-spectrum disorder, or something along those lines), which would account for the complete lack of social skills. I honestly don't think he's a bad guy. He was nice, I think he was just clueless. I guess maybe I'd like to think he wasn't just completely thoughtless, and maybe there was something bigger going on there. My mom told me she thought I should gently say something in an email like, "Here are a few of the things that kind of turned me off a little," because she honestly thinks he doesn't get it...but she does like to try and help/"fix" people sometimes...

Truthfully, there were a few things that made me a little wary of him before we ever met, not "wary" like "ooh, he's scary," just wary like not really interested in a relationship. I was telling him about this girls' weekend I was going on with my friends and how awesome their husbands were to figure out things with their kids and stuff so that their wives could go spend a few days with their friends, and he said something along the lines of, "Yeah, like, look at me, I'm totally fine with you going." (UMMMM...WHAT??!! You don't have a say AT ALL in that.) And he told me I was teaching him patience because he'd never known anyone who was so busy all the time and couldn't talk every night. Holy crow.

So with that, I have a final question: I have considered dropping him an email just to say something along the lines of "Hey, "Lee," it was really nice to meet you in person. You are a really nice guy, but I just really didn't feel that special something--that spark--between us, and (based on the fact that you promptly UNFRIENDED ME ON FACEBOOK) I'm guessing you didn't either. Best of luck to you." (Okay, obviously I would be a LITTLE more subtle in my message, but you know what I mean.) I haven't done it, but it's not too late. Do you think I need to? For closure or whatever? I can't decide if I should or not.

So that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of "Lee" and his trip to Portland. Adventures in dating, indeed!