This fun, crazy, hard, sucky, amazing single life.

I've been thinking about this for a couple weeks now, so in an effort to get it off my chest, I want to be honest and share. I know I've been sharing lots of funny stories about my rather disastrous dates lately (and I promise these stories are only the half of it!), and I have taken so much joy in reading your responses to my stories; I appreciate your encouragement more than you know! So, thanks for that. You guys give me hope that someday someone is eventually going to work out. :) I love you guys!

But in case anyone was wondering, I don't LOVE being single. Being single is not my life's ambition, nor is it my plan. It's not what I've asked for, but it's (for now) the lot I've been given. And (for now) I'm okay with it. I get to meet lots of interesting (and some crazy) new people, go on disastrous dates (and hopefully a few fun ones now and again), and share my ridiculous stories. And overall, right now, I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I know how enormously I have been (and continue to be) blessed, and I feel lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.

That being said, the truth is, I'm just like most girls--more than anything, I want to get married. I want to have the cute husband and the sweet babies and to be a wife and mommy. I pray to God every day to bring the right man into my life, and I know He will, in time. I have faith, and I trust that everything happens according to God's plan, and when the time is right, the right person will come into my life. But that doesn't make it easier or more fun when things like this happen:

A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with one of my girlfriends (whom I love dearly, and who I know will NEVER read this or I probably wouldn't write it, because if she knew how it made me feel, she would feel terrible and that's not the point). She's almost a year older than me, and has been married to a great guy (who I introduced her to!) for several years and has darling children. So, truthfully, I don't expect her to understand my position. We were both running on little sleep, which probably decreased her tact and increased my sensitivity by several notches, and I realized that. But toward the end of our conversation, she looked at me and said, "Sooooooo, Jen. Are you EVER going to get married?"

Ouch.

It's not like I just invested seven years of my life into someone hoping for the outcome I got, but that's how it goes. No one dates someone for 3 1/2 years without hoping and praying that person is "the one." I really, really wanted it to work out. And I thought it would. But the fact is, it didn't, and this last year has been pretty hard, trying to wrap my head around it and move on. My hope is that God has someone even better in store for me, and I have faith that will come true. But asking questions like this doesn't make the waiting any easier. If it were solely up to me, of course I'd be married! But we all know it doesn't work that way. And I just wanted to be honest about that.

So, I guess the reason I'm writing this is two-fold: first, I LOVE hearing about all of you and your cute husbands (or wives) and your darling children. I LOVE sharing in those parts of your lives, seeing your beautiful babies (and cuddling them, when we're in the same place!), and dreaming about when that day will come for me. Please don't ever stop sharing your stories and your joys and struggles with your families and your lives, because they give me hope that someday I'll have my own stories to share like that. But secondly, please remember, when people comment to me (or others like me) about how I'm getting older and I need to hurry and find someone, or how they need to have all their babies soon because if they have them after 30 they're going to be an old mom, or how I must not want to be married, while I'll never let them know it, it probably stings a little.

I guess you guys have figured out by now that I'm doing everything I can to help God bring my special someone into my life. I'm putting myself out there and pushing aside my shyness and I'm TRYING. And it's fun and it's hard and it's crazy and it's great and it sucks and I'm learning a lot. That's where my life is right now, and I'm blessed to be in the position I am, with amazing friends and family nearby (and others just a phone call away), and my situation is getting better all the time. But if you think of it, would you please keep me in your prayers? I figure a few extra tugs on God's ear on my behalf can't hurt, right? And know that you are all in mine always. Love you all.

And if you know any cute single (normal, not awkward or crazy) guys, send them my way! :) (Seriously.)